the invisible hand

curiosity on elections

2007-04-15T18:27:00.000+08:00

i was studying in jest the different political advertisements while peering from our car window on the way to lucban, quezon for our annual vacation. it continues to make me wonder how much money were spent on posters, tarpaulins, "volunteer" campaign supporters, at the expense of P3 per voter.

According to the new COMELEC memorandum (dated I don't know), each candidate is allowed to spend at a maximum of 3 pesos per voter. Imagine how many millions of voters we have and how much money they are allowed to spend. By the latest SWSurvey, the candidate who has spent the biggest amount is Prospero Pichay (at a whopping amount of P12 million). When interviewed, he mentioned something like, "it is not even enough to make his face and name known all over the country." Naman.

Again, i was studying things in jest, out of boredom perhaps. I was looking carefully at the different posters and laughed at how Photoshop can do wonders. A candidate running for a mayoralty post here in our town looked 30 years younger his original age --- sans wrinkles and white hair. Two posters when put side by side will confuse the voters if they find out that the two posters are campaigning for the same congressman in Quezon. There are also very catchy nicknames for which I wonder if these nicknames reflect their character (or platform) such as "Boy Bolok", "Exotik", and "Goma".

One will have to wonder how much candidates are willing to spend to be in power but not on the major problems of the country. If twelve million pesos is not enough for one person to be in power, then how much will it be left to create more employment opportunities, better health care systems, quality education, and environmental protection? These issues cannot be photoshopped nor can be replaced by catchy nicknames. These are REAL issues whose faces are longing for REAL answers.

I asked my brother why he did not register for the upcoming elections (he will be 18 years old by April 18.) He told me nonchalantly that there are no candidates worthy of his vote. I silently disagree with him, because there are still, I believe, people, when given the opportunity, with great potential in order to serve the common good.

Of course, we have to be wise in choosing these people. Meron diyan binigyan na nga ng oportunidad, sinayang pa. meron naman diyan walang definite na plataporma. At meron naman diyan na ginagamit ang kasikatan para makakuha ng boto.

Well, at least in fairness, the political advertisements on TV are more creative and in a sense catchy this year.

rantations

2007-01-15T14:19:00.000+08:00

bakit may mga tao na mahilig magsuot ng maskara? Matapos mangyari ang dapat mangyari, unti-unting natatanggal sa kanyang mukha ang maskarang kay tagal isinusuot.

At the outset, you really look beautiful, but what happened, i do not know whether to trust you anymore. To be specific, how could you treat us this way, ngayong alam mo na ang totoong sentimyento ng karamihan? Hindi ba't ito na ngayon ang pagkakataon para ikaw ay makapagmuni muli at tignan kung paano ka pwedeng mag-improve?

OKs lang sanang wag mo na kaming pansinin. Wag ka lang sanang mandamay ng ibang inosente at siraan kami sa aming likod.

sheesh. The stench of your rotting heart seeps its way to unmask your outer beauty.

to patrick

2007-01-08T14:33:00.000+08:00

hello. long time no see. for almost two years na rin kita hindi nakikita. so how is winter wonderland? im sure you are having a terrific time with your new life: a new home, a new school, new friends perhaps. i barely remember your face because according to your recent letters, you have already grown twice as large. all i could remember is your voice.

thanks for the greetings. im sure you have appreciated the thing i sent you, at least something from the philippines for once. and im sure you were delighted to have read my contribution. do you know that you were the first person i talked to about this great opportunity? haha. and now, i am on my way to fulfilling my dreams.

pat, your recent message seems to be a depressed one. does friendship have to end with the existence of distance? pat, with distance all the more it challenges the two of us to make our relationship as friends even closer. if we indeed desire to become the best of friends, likie we used to when we were in high school, then let us struggle to be one with the new found friends that we already have. treat others as you would have treated me back home.

pat, we miss you already. niko and i have continuously praying for your success to love and be loved. marlon extends his greetings as well.

your ever faithful friend,

nicolo

Giving and Not Counting the Cost

2006-12-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

Who in the right mind will accept St. Ignatius’ veritable prayer, “The Prayer of Generosity” as it speaks of giving and not counting the cost, fighting and not heeding the wounds? Forgive me but this is one task that will take me a lifetime to fulfill.

I am not actually your average person who will give everything without taking into consideration what I have spent in the first place. When I took up Management Economics as my course, my mother swore that it was a course that befits me. No, it is not because I am good in commerce or mathematics (in fact, I despise numbers), but simply because I am the most spedthrift among the family. Over the years I have rationalized what I am on money matters: I’d rather be called “matipid”than “kuripot”. By “matipid” I discern over on goods which I consider either necessary bor a luxury. By “kuripot”, however, I do not spend even on the necessay things that would make me more humane.

But when it comes to friendship, priorities, love, passion, dedication, and leadership, price becomes irrelevant. After being in ACIL for seven years, I have come to a conclusion that being a leader costs a lot – financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. To become an excellent leader, one needs to shell out his own resources, sometimes find for new sources. “Kung minsan, ikaw pa ang abonado.”

My desire and belief that ACIL as a community for Christ further motivated me into being more giving to others. It had reached to the point that sacrifices were made: I didn’t join any other org, focused my efforts on ACIL alone, settled for a mediocre QPI, gave up the prospects of having a girlfriend. In trying to become faithful to the org’s vision, I sometimes wonder if my giving was too much, and would have been an excessive detriment for my welfare.

Yesterday, I had my first ever booklaunch as a contributor to a collection of essays on “striving, learning and serving.” It was a big milestone, esp., since I am a frustrated writer. I invited my family and friends to this occasion, and explained to everyone how much it meant to me for them to be there. It was my first achievement outside ACIL, but ironically about ACIL, or how I ended up the way I am today.

But only my family showed up. I was eagerly waiting for my friends, but it seemed that nobody ever tried to be there.

When I was called in front and received my complimentary copy of the book from Dr. Queena Lee-Chua, I was searching for my friends in the lightly-densed crowd. Finally, after I finished my meal, I decided to go back to the org room, dejected and disappointed.

It turned out that the people who I expected an hour and a half ago were just there doing their own stuff, as if nothing had happened. Nobody even bothered to congratulate me, nor have told me anything that would make me feel for the first time an unraveling person of dreams. At that moment, I didn’t want to exist as Nicolo the President, but as Nicolo the Writer.

But my so-called “friends” grounded me back to the reality that I am their president, the understanding and most often neglected person in the organization. My whole presidency I have never been treated as a person who has needs too, feelings and dreams, moods and goals. Except in my ranting moments with Ronnel, I didn’t feel any care for my own self. The last test was my own birthday present – the booklaunching – but nobody tried to celebrate it with me, or me.

Am I asking too much? Maybe because I have been too much of a mother-to-others that I am withheld with the right to ask for protection and comfort. I am expected to give solace, comfort, understanding, and even loving reprimands, that automatically meant motherhood for them but not necessarily for me.

Or am I giving too much? My work in ACIL for seven long and arduous years is enough a testimony of how much I believed in making Christ a living reality as our form of being light in the Lord. I have been what they call an urban legend in ACIL. My former classmates in highschool and my co-presidents in COA know me as “Nicolo of ACIL”. It is as if I am wedded and welded to an organization. Yes, I have given myself in the service of the organization. I had to answer back against my parent’s wishes . They have constantly reminded me that I am in my senior year and I should be focused on what I wanted to do after college, thesis, and other research. It was not an intensed debate though since I had achieved high marks in college, except for a few C+’s. I have repeatedly responded them how much I love ACIL and the people I encounter.

But for one solitary occasion I felt that my own fidelity abandoned me. After the booklaunch behind the seemingly smiles of triumph lies a defeated and embattled heart. Have I given too much for the one you love? I felt that everyone had truned its back away from me while I bitterly swallowed loneliness.

To give and not to count the cost. How could I not notice when after giving so much not an ounce of recognition comes back? Should I be convinced that I will forever be the “abonado”? I am not asking for a reward, but as a person with feelings, I am pleading for sensitivity in their hearts, a little concern for the welfare of others.

A friend later consoled my disbelief and sorrow, and said “It is not because of them you have achieved but because of you.” Partly true. Though I have achieved because of my own doing, the content of my achievement was because of them. And being on the top of the world for at least two hours was the loneliest triumphant milestone.

That afternoon, I was really reflecting on whether I should join the carolling with ACIL. After all, they do not recognize you as they are still self-absorbed by their own gratuities. I eventually did anyway because despite how much “abonado” you already are with them, I still love them.

In Class

2006-12-14T09:46:00.000+08:00

nakikihiram ako ng laptop ngayon kasi uber boring ng class ko ngayon. the class is on knowledge management and i just finished giving a presentation on patents. specifically international law on patents. pero hindi hahaba ang discussion kung hindi sabat ng sabat yung prof namin. yung normal 15 minutes naging 35 minutes.

antagal ko na palang hindi nagbablog. haha. tapos kung minsan hindi pa matino yung isinusulat ko. oh well.

mahaba pa tong class na to pero feeling ko nakatingin na sa akin yung prof namin. gtg. :)

the Canadian way

2006-05-20T13:35:00.000+08:00

There was a report last week about a Filipino-Canadian child who was badly scolded by his school lunch monitor for not eating with a fork and knife. Apparently, the child's mother came to demand an explanation and she was even more in aghast when her son was described as "eating like a pig". In essence, the principal told the mother that "in Canada, you must eat the Canadian way."

Such are the differences in culture. Culture perhaps is what identifies a tribe, community, country or nation from the rest.In each group of people, there are a set of rules in the form of manners, rituals, actions, or words that define culture. Our sign for friendship is the handshake; for the Arabs, it is the kiss on the lips (regardless of gender). Putting catsup or any condiment to any served dish is normal for us; for the French, it is an insult. What seems normal for us may be an insult for another. Even culture in religious sects are different: a Sikh has a high regard for body hair, the Muslims must get rid of body hair. A Catholic may regard a comb as an instrument of beauty, but for a Jain the comb is a gift of the gods and must be treated with proper respect.

But beyond the issue of spoon and forks, rituals and manners, there is but one thing that must be considered in any culture: tolerance. Canada is made up of mostly immigrants, so imagine how the various cultures either coincide or collide when they meet. But Canada as a whole comprise of another culture to be treated as different from the other cultures. Some countries are tolerable to the differences in culture, but there are those who frown upon people who veer away from what is the norm. In the Philippines, we have been raised in an atmosphere of cultural tolerance, so that we could eat with either the "budul-budul" way (hand-picked), the Spanish way (spoon and fork), the American way (fork and knife) or the Japanese/Chinese way (chopsticks). Canadians have a different level of tolerance which is more leaning towards intolerance, as perhaps seen through the case of the Fil-Canadian child.

Two things which must be learned by those who aspire to go abroad, work, migrate or live there (disclaimer: this is only a precautionary measure for all who are experiencing cultural differences. It is a crude guide especially for migrants and travellers alike.)

1) RESPECT FOR THE CULTURE OF THE HOST COUNTRY. Even if it seems weird or totally different from what you used to do, do not go against it. You are just a minority, an individual of a much bigger culture. The host country seeks for tolerance on your part to accept the culture present.

2) DON'T BE TOO ABSORBED. As you respect the country for which you are in temporarily, do not be too absorbed by the culture the host country presents you. This applies especially for migrants who are there to work only for a certain period of time then when they come back to their motherland, they have forgotten, either intentionally or unintentionally, what it is to be a citizen of your home country. In the course of absorbing the culture of the host country, principles once believed are sometimes modified, added or deleted from the self. Examples could be seen in student organizations (compare the clustering of orgs in the Ateneo and try to "feel" the culture that envelopes the organization.)

Finding the balance is really difficult. It requires a lot of practice and willpower to face a new culture. It just happens that the Canadian way is not as tolerable as we Filipinos would.

The Delights of Nursing

2006-05-10T09:21:00.000+08:00

Many frown over the increase of students taking up nursing. Before, it was unimagineable for exclusive schools such as Ateneo and La Salle to offer such courses. Now, every Ateneo campus across the nation has an course offering on nursing to retain its required number of students per year so as not to be put into a loss.

Many raise their eyebrows on the Philippines as the number one source of caregivers, nurses, and the like. Some professionals such as doctors, teachers and engineers are taking up nursing or caregiving courses in order to get out of the country for greener pastures. College students when they were young had hopes of becoming professional workers but in orde r to survive they had to change their dreams by becoming nurses.

But actually, why scowl at the nursing industry? Training nurses and caregivers is our way of responding to the globalization call of the developed countries. With the population of Europe fast declining and there are more older people than younger people in Europe and in North America, the nurses and caregivers are simply responding to what the Europeans demand in exchange for higher and promising wages.

Consider the two cultures: the Filipinos are naturally loving and caring people, resilient and hardworking. We are a relatively young country (with a majority of the population 18 years old and below). The Europeans on the other side of the globe are more independent, but focused on their work. Their nature as a developed country pushes them to become more focused on work, and have little time in raising families. Actually, they would prefer work than raising a family (would someone be willing to spend his or her 18 years trying to raise a child who would most likely find their own independence away from their loved ones than to spend 18 hours working for several hundred thousands of dollars to be spent on jewelry, yachts, condominiums, and caviars?). Our culture is rooted deeply in Catholic virtues of the family whereas the European culture, though they used to be the bastion of Christianity in the Middle Ages have adopted values that make them convince that work is more dignified than having a family. The modernization of Europe through the Industrial Revolution slowed the population growth of France (from 0.94% in 1970 to 0.69% in 2002), Germany (from 0.83 in 1970 to 0.21 in 2002) and Japan (from 1.3 % in 1970 to 0.20% in 2002) . Three countries have population decays and where the destination of nurses and caregivers become more frequent: Italy (0.47% in 1970 to -0.03% in 2002), United Kingdom (from 0.53% in 1970 to -0.33% in 2002) and Russia (0.58% in 1970 to -0.45% in 2002).

FIGURE 1: POPULATION GROWTH OF 6 COUNTRIES, 1970-2002
Source: World Bank Popualtions,Health and Nutritions

Moreover, the Philippines seems to be utilizing the resources we already have - labor - and investing on it through the development of what we virtue: care and love. What we do is honing the skills of the nurses and caregivers so that it has more focus and direction.

How does the Philippines take part in the process of globalization? When we send our caregivers and nurses to Europe and in America, we are already taking part of the globalization process of spreading our own culture. Example, cooking food for the children of the landowners, heirs, and businessmen with authentic Filipino food. With our food, we are already training the tastebuds of the children to love the sweet-spicy taste and crave for spaghetti in catsup, adobo and tinola. With our language the children begin to pick up words such as "po" and "opo", or even "anak". We also globalize the elderly through our virtue of concern for the elderly (despite what is happening to our country, we Filipinos still know how to respect the elders).

And soon, the foreigners who have received the Filipino workers become interested in how our culture works and how our country looks like, bringing in more revenue apart from the salaries they give to their nurses and caregivers.

Therefore, the burden is on us who are here in the Philippines and not on the nurses and caregivers who are already outside the country. Our task now is how to maintain the good testimonies our fellowmen in Europe and in America say. We must live out to the developed nations' belief that the Filipinos are the number one exporter of caregivers and nurses, therby making us "the caretakers of the world". And eventually, the developed countries look to us with sincere respect and genuine concern, the same way we have dedicated our services to them.

someone is worrying about the EVAT....

2006-02-01T11:07:00.000+08:00

starting today, there will be a 12% increase in the value added tax. Meaning, if you spend one peso on any good covered by the EVAT law, you pay an additional P 0.12. It does not seem to be that big for some people, but for those who are very stringent in handling their finances, this is another woe for them because this implies an increase in prices of goods and services.

I am addressing this to the students whose allowance is not from any income-generating source but depend on the amount given to them by their parents. Before you approach your parents for an additional 12 centavos per peso on your current baon, let me show you something that might interest you.

There are a lot of goods and services that we normally buy and identify them as either substitutable (to a more inferior good), complimented (to a similar good), necessity or luxury, or a bad (yes, there is such a thing as a bad). We normally buy these goods and services as we are accustomed to. Substitutable goods are normally those with a lot of variants but of the same nature, such as food (kamameshi rice vs instant noodles), transportation (taxi vs. jeepney) and hygienic products (deodorant vs. alum crystals). Some goods could only be utilized with another different good, such are known as compliments. Examples are pen and paper, cellphone and cellphone load, and contact lenses and eyedrops. There are goods which are, base on perception, a necessity and its more evolved and sophisticated form, a luxury. For instance, the more evolved form of a landline telephone is the cellphone, and even more sophisticated, a 3G cellphone. Other luxury goods that evolved into more luxurious items are jewelry, perfume, branded items, yachts, mansions. And there are the bads: goods that bring danger to the one who utilizes the good (in excess quantities) such as cigarettes, alcohol, and illegal drugs. Some goods are highly expensive yet indispensible due to their inavailability of substitutes, such as medications for tubercolosis, asthma, and (knock on wood) bird flu.

We buy these goods and services because we want to achieve the abilities that make a good or a service be identified as such. We use deodorant because of its ability to remove the stench from our armpits, we use eyeglasses because of its ability to aid the person see better, and we use cellphones because of its ability to communicate to people via long distances. What I am trying to say here is maybe in this period wherein politics aggravate the business sector, maybe its a good time to reevaluate the goods, services and the bads we consume, and inspect the real ability of each good and service that necessarily suits our current need (and not the want). In a nutshell, I believe it is time for us, for a change, to practice austerity.

By being thrifty ( Pagtitipid) does not equate to the usual notion of kuripot. Pagtitipid is to still spend on goods and services that meet the needs of the person but on a lower value (in terms of price). Kuripot however deprives the person from consuming goods and services that are needed by the person. Being thrifty is nothing to be ashamed about, because it shows that we are cooperating with the those who are more directly involved: primarily, our parents. Our parents are the main source of "income", but on a fixed rate, no matter what happens. Our parents, on the otherhand, may lose their jobs suddenly and lose their income. Who is now more blessed to have a fixed "income"?

So, who should worry more about the EVAT? In the first place, is there something to worry about?

isang commercial break...

2006-01-19T08:17:00.000+08:00

sa mga fans ko na sumusubaybay sa aking blog, itong blog na ito (the invisible hand) ay unti-unting kong ginagawang blog for socio-economic review, commentaries, and the like. dahil ito sa theme na rin ng blog na ito, kaya dapat angkop din ang mga nakasulat dito.

ngunit ang mga personal thoughts, philo insights (nyek), sari-saring kwento ay makikita na sa bagong blog ko (www.laksalaksanglagusan.blogspot.com). Under deconstruction pa ang layout.

ayun lang po. :)

now, back to our regular programming.

the economics of altruism

2006-01-09T08:55:00.000+08:00

Recently, a 12-year old girl discovered a bundle of cash and bank notes as it fell off the motorcycle of a messenger. Despite the persuasions of the neighbors to keep the money and divide it amongst themselves, the little girl turned it over to the police and the owners were informed of the find. In return the little girl received numerous blessings from the QC council, STI college, and other generous benefactors.

Supply and demand would tells us that as rare supplies of good people exist, their value is very high (supply side). And as people demand more of these goods (pun not intended), they are willing to "pay" (in the form of gifts) more due to their exemplary values (demand side). It is no doubt why the girl was showered with blessings in the form of material wealth (though many analysts would say that the gifts received by the girl were valued less than that of the value of the money the girl returned).

In addition, there is a theory in economics (The Rational Expectations theory) which states that people given perfect information do rational things as they expect their forecast to manifest. For example, given the enough information on the stock market, if the person expects the prices of his shares will rise in the future, he will buy the stocks today in order for him to gain profit. Similarly, it might be said that the child expected that there are "greater" rewards in the future after considering what available information she has (maybe from her values education class) therefore she returns the money today. In addition, this theory states that the actions done today will most probably be the same actions to be done tomorrow. So in a larger sense, this theory is closely related to goal setting theories in psychology wherein a person has a goal in mind and in order to achieve the goal, one will perform tasks that he or she rationally thinks is in line with the achievement of the goal.

A major criticism: did the child expected that there are indeed greater rewards in the future? Most probably not. This is due to her major reason why she returned the money in the first place: naaawa ako sa kanya (messenger) kung mawalan siya ng trabaho. Instead, the girl expected that the messenger would keep his job if she would return the money.

The ordinary Filipino might learn a lesson or two from the girl's altruism. First that there are consequences in every action that one does. The consequences may be in the form of either rewards (though I am not speaking of material ones, there are other "greater rewards" beyond the realm of economics) or punishments (again, there are other "greater" punishments beyond the realm of economics). The consequences are implied in the given information, and since people are rational, people would prefer to choose an action that leads to better consequences.

Second, looking to the intention or the expectation of the child, it is a lesson beyond any material science can explain. Sure, sometimes we do the good things because we have hidden desires or vested interests (does this still classify as a "good" thing?), but primarily, we do things in order to achieve materialized things in return. The girl's attitude perhaps is most essential here: her concern was beyond how to augment her family's income.

Plato's The Republic (Book I, 331a) describes well the young girl's situation, for a person, whatever status he or she may be, if he leads an honest and just life:

Sweet hope accompanies,

Fostering his heart, a nurse of his old age,

Hope which most of all pilot

The ever-turning opinion of mortals.

new beginnings for the peso-dollar exchange rate

2006-01-06T08:29:00.000+08:00

yes people, as you may have noticed the peso-dollar exchange rate is appreciating, thanks to the OFW remittances and to the new fiscal policies of PGMA. The last few weeks of December was seen as a miracle because the forecast of the BSP was around P56.00 to P57.00. The year ended around P53.00 and today, the peso broke to its three year high at P52.45. Ang galing talaga. Sana tuluy-tuloy na to.

What does this mean for the ordinary Filipino? The domestic products that require raw materials imported from abroad (such as electronics, dairy products, etc.) will be more affordable. In addition, since the dollar has weakened, it also means that investors would opt to exchange their peso into dollars because buying dollars are cheaper. But the key concern here is how the Filipino is most concerned here (or how the ordinary fishball vendor would appreciate the peso appreciation). If the peso appreciates it means that the peso has now more buying power (known as the purchasing power) over another currency (in this case, the dollar). Since there is also a strong inflow of dollars from OFWs, it means that there is new sources for investment opportunities, that would be turned into capital stock (capital investments that generate new goods or services). New investments also would mean new job opportunities for the unemployed (or for the underemployed), lowering the unemployment rate and raising productivity. With productivity, the capital stock generates more output and therefore increases the national income of the country.

However, the rise of the peso (more precisely, the appreciation of the peso) will never be felt by the ordinary Filipino if and only if the fiscal reforms are not sustained, or serious enough to make the foreign exchange trend more desirable. Also, there are other factors aside from economics that affect the forex trend such as political stability, socio-cultural and environmental factors.

And on the news, the Philippine Air Forces face graft investigations on the anomalous accounts and misuse of funds. To top that, the UNO movement desires to unite the former presidents (Cory, FVR, and Erap) to overthrow PGMA. In addition, there was a "friendly dialogue" between FVR, Drilon, et al on "wine" (I don't even comprehend what this implies).

No matter how good the economic reforms are, when the investors see how unstable the political playground is, they will still opt to invest to other countries, to contradict or not to contradict the economic laws of foreign exchange.

tumigil ka na

2006-01-06T08:15:00.000+08:00

i am requesting you to keep out of my hair.

is that really hard to do?

o talagang manhid ka na?

sheesh.

random babblings

2006-01-04T09:34:00.000+08:00

greeting cards
a broken computer
virus?
simoy ng hangin
sarap matulog
tamad
classes na?
economic growth
stock market boom
paputok
tiendisitas
fireworks
internet
email
reunion
Midnight's Children
Simbang Gabi
insomnia
pills and tablets
clarity
sarap matulog
lamig ng hangin
Pasko
January
Decemeber
New Year
Resolution
Promises
sorrys and regrets
new life
new hope
new me
hehehe
happy new year

a year in review

2005-12-19T20:37:00.000+08:00

i got this from chinky's blog where she also got it from another blog (blogness!!!) :)

take two words (up to two sentences?)from your first post of every month and that is your review for the year.

January: old pictures
February: what happened to my beautiful knees?!!!
March: finally, everything is falling into place!
April: A Prayer
May: lumalalaki na daw ang bilbil ko sabi ng nanay ko.
June: bakasyon na...
July: so many things to do, so little time
August: sorry?
September: naiiyak na ako sa sobrang dami ng ginagawa ko.
October: i've had one of my best sleeping periods this semester!
November: i can proudly say that this summer i have completed reading three books:
December: God created light.

Astig tong yearly review ko! Brings back the good and the bad times. :)

teedeedumdeedumdeedeee

2005-12-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

wow! last week na (and the last few days before the christmas season begins. :)

and the teachers are happy to give their students something to remember them by:

monday: Ph 102 - Long Test Question Released
LS 100 - Long Test 1
tuesday: Hi 165 - Long Test 1
wednesday: Ph 102 - Due of Long Test 1
Fin 103 - Long Test 1
LS 100 - Due of Progress Report 1

thursday is the start of the christmas break.

as i celebrate the holidays, my mind will unconsciously be reminded of the results of my tests. may it be good or good-less (no bad words please. excuse the pun. labo.), merry christmas to ye all! :)

Christmas party sa San Mats

2005-12-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

this is the disadvantage of not having (and owning) a camera. i could not capture the moment (kahit physical lang) of being with everyone...especially those close to you.

we had our christmas party along the berchmans hall (we miss hanging out on the bellarmine field though). it was about 430 pm that our real party/FS started. our spiritual moderator was not available for the moment, hence we had ample time to celebrate the season.

We started of with a small reflection on the season of Advent and what it really means. The theme of my reflection was on "Heeding the Call of Waiting". It went as planned, and eventually, to materialize what I had just shared, we went on with the writing of small notes of "thank yous", "sorrys" and "i wishes". I received more apologies, mainly because of the tardiness of the people or because of not fulfilling the area attendances. And I ask myself, am I being too strict about the time?

Earlier, I was really frowning in disgust because we had to leave Ateneo 35 minutes late of the designated schedule. I was thinking if I should let it pass, however, I am really bothered because this tardiness has been really consistently the trend of the people who are intentionally/unintentionally late. I could not help but frown and sulk in one corner.

OCness: yes, I am obsessive-compulsive with regards to matters involving time, work and professional relations. A lot of people can attest to how I manage a group, or a project, or a team. But it is very rare that I can really tolerate tardiness. A minute late is already a torture to me...what more if a person is over 30 minutes late? I do not usually voice out my concerns...I usually want the person or people to realize their faults and proceed to the task at hand.

Back to the Christmas party. I asked the members to bring something for the Kris Kringle...however, it is different from the ones normal people usually do. I asked them to bring something that is of great value for them. This implies that they are not allowed to buy new gifts, nor should be something edible. Something that really belongs to them that they are willing to give up.

The person who picked my name was Keno. He gave to me something that I have always dreamed of having: a roll of negatives of San Mateo members and the community. I was really touched because for him, the San Mateo is very valuable to him and he is giving me a share of that. haha. touched ako.

I picked Mol. I gave to her my very first book of the Coelho collection, "The Alchemist". Though dilapidated, I value that book because it was the book which was introduced by one of my favorite high school teachers who now resides in the United States. This was an eye opener book, I had my notes written at the margins, whcih eventually lead for me to love philosophy and other books as well. I had to say goodbye, and let it go. :)

Some cried while they gave up their stuff. But in the end, they were assured that their new owners would take care of them as if their own.

in the end, sabi ko sa kanila, at least physically, we have a share of other people's stuff. But by the bond that exists in each of us, that is worth cherishing. :)

Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year!!!

pagkalembang ng batingaw

2005-12-17T00:37:00.000+08:00

bakit napakasarap magsimba tuwing Pasko?

at bakit tuwing Pasko lang talagang marami ang tao sa simbahan?

kasi andun ako.

yiheee! :)

C-Day

2005-12-11T15:01:00.000+08:00

it definitely was a once in a lifetime event with a lifetime worth of friends, fun and forever moments.

at least I am rest assured that ACIL will go beyond its 100th year. Or probably would reach a hundred more if such a friendship continues. :)

Ngayon lang talaga nagkaroon ng pictures galore ang mga ACIListang hayok sa mga pictures at lumabas ang aming vain side. At kitang-kita talaga from their looks na kahit nakakapagod, everything is worth it.

The ACIL culture is a distinguishing revolution in the history of catechetical instruction in the Philippines. For a span of a hundred years, ACIL has made itself known as an institution of social awareness, spiritual formation and catechetical formation. But we are not all that serious...we have our extra fun moments, friendships that were made and maintained, even after graduation.

Ite et Docete. Go and Teach.

not one of those moments

2005-12-11T01:12:00.000+08:00

after the area, within the org space, I was baffled by what a colleague told me, in a jest manner. "Basta, bahala ka na diyan." He was referring to staying in the organization's council, and lo and behold, he is leaving for reasons uncertain.

Asked what is the rationale behind the incredulous remark, I was even more baffled to hear that upon asking "other people", he has decided to not renew his services until further notice.

My reply was calm, despite a trembling voice, "It's too early for such a decision."

And he went on talking about selfless love and other hulabaloos I could not even comprehend.

"There comes a point in time when giving is enough."

This statement also assumes (if my own understanding is correct) that giving is measurable in nature. And the guy talks about selfless love. Quite intriguing.

There could not be any selfless love if the understanding on love is something measurable. In other words, to say that "you love what you are doing" is immeasurable, without borders, letting it flow in the usual jargon. The person talks about selfless love, love that literally means " excluding the self". Yeah, suits your personality.

The guy rants about the near future. Thesis, acads, etc...etc. As if ako walang business model and plan as a thesis of that sort. As if wala akong inaatupag na aaralin. As if hindi ako estudyante at all. The reason he is leaving is because of such "enormous responsibilities". Yeah, as if masyadong iba ang posisyon namin. And of course, the vocabulary word of the day: "selfless love".

Tulad ng sabi ko, this is something too early a decision. Anything can happen between now and the next electoral process.

I think the key word in this whole situation is "commitment". One abides to his or her commitment as a result of love, not selfless, but commited love. Do you still want to commit yourself in His call?

If the answer is YES and STILL perceive love as something measurable, then it's better then that you say NO. Baka nagkamali ka lang ng pinasukan mo.

I easily get pissed off with such mini lectures. Pasalamat ka at wala ako sa mood magalit sa iyo kanina.

21

2005-12-09T00:14:00.000+08:00

I thank God...

for the wrinkles on my face,
for the white hairs,
more blemishes and dark spots,
eyebags and cracking lips,
the bulging belly,
the stinky feet and incredible odor.

I also thank Him
for my memory gap,
for my loss of direction,
weakening bones and aching ligaments.

But most importantly,

for my family,
friends and teachers,
mentors and enemies,
for the people who continuously love
and for those who are constantly patient
for my shortcomings and faults.

For a wonderful life that has been,
and for the multitude of graces over the years,
Thank you.

Guide me as I face another year
of aging beauty
and growing love.

to you, my dear *****

2005-12-06T08:26:00.000+08:00

intentions are not the same as fulfilling your intentions

in case you do not know.

have some dignity to say it firmly in black or white.

it really just pisses me off.

it's so good to be back

2005-12-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

i am slowly catching up on my scheduled readings since I had my eye operation. good thing my classes are delayed as well. at least makakahinga na ako.

my friend commented on my eye usage: I am abusing my eyes. I asked how. Sabi niya, for starters, I should be resting my eyes and not rush on worrying about the readings and the assigned texts for the classes. Kung sabagay, I was forcing myself to read kaagad on the third day on my operation. Kahit umiiyak ako dahil naglalaban ang periphery at distance ng vision ko. My eyes are soaked in eye solutions with one of the solutions being a real pain and cause me to shed real tears.

On my third week of operation, I feel relieved.

No more bioman goggles.

Occassional eyedrops.

A lifetime of convenience.

I don't have to worry about where I put my eyeglasses during mornings, or sitting at the back row of the class, or reading the footnotes that are really eye straining.

Yep, freedom. I love to be free. :)

and on the first day...

2005-12-01T07:44:00.000+08:00

God created light.

and there was light.

and now, I CAN SEE.

and God said it was good.

thank you laser surgery!!!

2005-11-15T07:51:00.000+08:00

pasukan na and i am thrilled to start anew. to start things, let's start with the end.

bago magtapos ang sem break (waaaah!!!), i have finished four books (technically, three books and one ebook). Three days before the sem break ended, I bought also three books...in the hopes that someday when i find time, and when time does permit me, I will read these books. Isa lang ang nasimulan kong basahin ("Midnight's Children" by Salman Rushdie). The other two books ("The Pilgrimage" by Paulo Coelho and "The Name of the Rose" by Umberto Eco) are neatly placed on my bookshelf...complete with their plastic bags and price tags.

Saturday evening my family accompanied me to Pampanga to have my eyes checked. Hindi ko alam na I am really really close to getting blind. Although para sa akin normal na ang pagkakaroon ng malabo na mata, I am nearing blindness. Consolation, according to the eye specialist, is that my eye disorder is caused by hereditary reasons, and once treated (and operated as well), it will not recur (however, acquiring other eye disorders such as glaucoma and cataracts are not guaranteed not to come). Hence, I should be able to see clearly hopefully by the end of this week.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh yes, the class skeds. Maganda ang aking class sked, though I am forced to wake up at 730 to avoid the traffic and to avoid spending so much.

MWF: Ph 102 (Philosophy of the Human Person II) - 1130-1230
TTH: Hi 165 (Rizal and the Emergence...) - 900-1030
Ec 121 (Development Economics) - 130 - 300
Ec 113 (Money and Banking) 300 - 430
W: Fin 103 (Principles of Finance) 600 - 900
S: LS 100 (Organizational Behavior) 900 - 1200

And I have incredible teachers as well, though I do not know the others. In history I got Fr. Arcilla (well, no choice na rin kasi naubusan na ako ng other slots). In dev eco I got Dr. Venida who has the reputation of being one of the best in the field of development. I also got my old philo teacher (Sir Roy) kaya yey to philo.

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naghahanap ako ng monopoly set sa mga toy stores pero wala akong makita. Gawa ito ng formsem. Ngayon lang ako natuto maglaro ng monopoly and yey... napanalo ko yung first game. Beginner's luck?

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Maraming ang nangangamba tungkol sa wage increase about being detrimental to the economic world, eklat. From the point of view of an economist, my pros and cons ang increase of wages:

PROS:
1. Gaganahan ang mga tao magtrabaho. Because of higher wages, the people who are currently employed are more encouraged to work (remember the positive reinforcement?). However, raising wages are only substantial to a certain point only, because if you keep on increasing wages then there will come a point when people will be lazier. Example, suppose I earn P30,000 per month on a work that can be finished in 8 hours. If my salary would be raised to P100,000 per month on the same work that could be finished in 8 hours, I would just exert the same effort that I have exerted when I had the salary of P30,000.

2. More consumer spending power. More wages means higher consumer spending. It means creating more jobs for the people. This is good only for short run basis because as you will soon find out, although the nominal value (the quantity of money) of money increases, the real value (the worth of the money) of money decreases.

3. GDP increases. the overall performance of the country increases due to the increased consumer spending. This is, again, shortlived because of the adjustment of real values of money.

CONS:
1. Inflation increases. By inflation we mean that prices of goods and services are going to go up. When consumer spending increases it creates jobs for many people as well but since fixed assets such as machinery and equipment have a certain capacity in producing goods and services, more demand for goods and services would mean increasing the capacity of the fixed assets. Which in other words mean that companies will have to purchase more equipment, machineries, factories, etc. And in order to keep up with the cost of these brand new assets, industries will have to increase the price of their goods and services. For example, suppose I buy ice cream for P200/gallon and my salary is P1000 per day (meaning, I can buy 5 gallons of ice cream). Suppose my salary increases to P2000 per day. Hence, I can purchase 10 gallons of ice cream. As the demand increases, the ice cream company needs to keep up with the demand by purchasing more mixers and ice cream makers, hence increasing the price of the per gallon ice cream to P400/gallon. With a current salary of P2000, I can purchase only 5 gallons of ice cream. The nominal value of money increased, however and eventually, the real value of money decreased or for this instance went back where it originally started.

2. More unemployment. Higher wages also means more people getting the boot. For example, a company that has 50 employees and get each P1000 per day demands for a higher wage (total of P50000 on wages). The company raises the salary to P2000 per day (P100,000 in wages total). In order to maintain the original cost of labor without manipulating the wages again, the company will have to lay off 25 people in order to retain the original cost of P50000 in wages. In short, tumaas nga ang wages, nawalan nga lang ng trabaho yung iba, or pwede, ikaw ang nawalan ng trabaho. The problem with unemployment is that this is really a long term issue, unlike the increase of GDP and increase of consumer spending.

3. Higher interest rates. Normally, banks lend money to firms in order for the firms to finance their purchases of new assets. When demand increases, intuitively, the firms need to keep up with the demand despite their capacity issues. Therefore, the firms will have to borrow money from the banks. The banks will need to regulate the borrowing of money hence, they increase the interest rates, which discourages firms to increase their borrowing of money. Therefore, not only do interest rates go up, the prices go up as well in order to control the demand.

Ayan. There are many Pros and Cons on increasing the wages. I have simplified it for the benefit of those who do not understand economic jargons. The decision of increasing wages lies now in what the firms and industries prioritize.

2005-11-06T14:23:00.000+08:00

i can proudly say that this summer i have completed reading three books: "Baudolino" by Umberto Eco, "Stardust" and "Smoke and Mirrors" by Neil Gaiman. I am starting a new book edited by Neil Gaiman "Sandman: Book of Dreams". Hope it interests me the way the other three books did.

-------------------------------------------------------

I have indulged myself also in endless television and sleep. And also food. Lumaki na naman ako...by 4 more pounds. Sabi ng mom ko masusunog din naman yan pagdating ng pasukan...oo nga, enrollment na starting tomorrow. haaay. ambilis ng panahon.

-------------------------------------------------------

Harry Potter 4 will be shown here in the Philippines on Nov 16. Great. Kung kailan may klase na kami saka nagsimula ang showdate. Also, I have to reread the book. I want to compare what scenes are true to the book and what scenes are exaj.

-------------------------------------------------------

I just came from Pangasinan from Manaoag and on the way home I noticed a sign which says:

MABUHAY FUNERAL PARLOR

Your day and night parlor needs

Wow, magkano ang magparebond diyan?

kabangagan ng sem break

2005-10-27T07:36:00.000+08:00

this morning i realize how i really love the ACIL so much. when i woke up, it is as if i have awaken from a deep slumber...that everything that happened to me, whether great or not, was but a big dream. tama ang sinabi ng kaibigan ko na the best thing about sleep is not the capability of resting one's back upon a mattress but the feeling upon waking up.

-----------------------------------------

nagpapakanerd ako ngayong sembreak. this is the only time that i have been able to catch up with the books that i have been dying to read, either unfinished or have not opened at all. i have finished for four days reading umberto eco's "baudolino", a must-read for those who love history and adventure (yes, the byzantine empire, crusades, with a touch of search for the holy grail and other mythical sojourns). i am now finishing neil gaiman's "smoke and mirrors: a collection of short stories". good to read especially for those who have short attention spans.

-----------------------------------------

i have received a letter from a friend/classmate who now resides in canada. haha. gulat ako sa kanyang isinulat because wala pa talaga akong natatanggap na email na ang pinag-uusapan ay updates ng kanyang buhay from a former classmate. most of the time i engage in chats, whether live or electronic, with my former classmates, pero not on an email basis. uso na kasi ang blog at friendster at spam at chat pero minsan wala naman talagang sinasabi kung hindi puro basura.

miss ko na ang d2003. i was browsing through the old photos that i have in my hard drive: the 3rd year pics from parties to soirees to field trips and parties again. wala atang ginawa ang class natin kung hindi magparty the whole time e. i laugh at how our hair looks like and how we all look like: sobrang totoy. haha. those were the days talaga. now, kumusta na kaya yung iba?

-----------------------------------------

the council is very excited (well, according to my own understanding) about the 2nd sem BOS. kahit ako naexcite din e. i have yet to see the final schedule of the BOS pero i am really looking forward to the presentations of each area/committee per room. rest assured, maganda ang sa san mats dahil kakaiba ang ipapauso ko. haha. at maraming magrereklamo sa ipagagawa ko sa kanila. :)

----------------------------------------

sarap mag-Tagaytay!!!! pero nabankrupt ako dahil sa mga pasalubong ko. at least i have two new T-shirts!!! yehey!

an i saw horses. yehey!!!

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ayoko pumunta sa sementeryo. puro mumu.

may TV ba sa sementeryo?

alam kong late na to....

2005-10-21T07:25:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to

JOVI FUENTEBELLA!!!

mas matanda ka sa akin di ba by 3 months if my memory serves me right... haha. sorry, wala akong mahanap na matinong picture mo e...all i have are pictures na ikahihiya mong ipakita sa buong mundo. wahaha.

TOP 10 LEARNINGS this SEMESTER

2005-10-17T01:19:00.000+08:00

haha. sa wakas. tapos na ang unang semestre ng aking ikatlong taon sa Ateneo-my-love-so-sweet. sa mga semestreng nasa Ateneo-my-love-so-sweet ako, ito na siguro ang pinakastressful at pinakanaiiba. Kaya siguro ganun na lang ang kakaibang performance ko rin this sem. Nevertheless, kahit ganun ang naging sem ko, may natutunan pa rin naman ako. :)

--------------------------------------------------

1. Ang MERON ay hindi kabuwanan ng bawat babae bawat buwan. Curious akong malaman kung ano nga ba tong pinagsasabi ng mga uppergrads na meron. Ngayong sinimulan ko nang mamilosopiya, hindi lang pala meron ang nagpapasakit sa ulo ng mga estudyante...kung hindi pati wala.

2. Madulas ang pintura kapag nabasa sa ulan. Yes, the rainy season is here. At sa isang tanga moments ko muntikan na akong madulas sa pinturadong pedestrian. At least, natauhan ako mula sa aking tanga moment.

3. Huwag magsusuot ng white overalls tuwing tag-ulan. Isa sa mga favorite colors ko ang white kaya minsan pumunta ako sa school na all white (white shirt, white pants, white socks, white shoes). Umulan. Kumulog. Kumidlat. Umulan lalo. Medyo bumaha. Pag-uwi ko, hindi white ang suot ko...at isang napakahabang sermon ukol sa hirap ng paglaba ng puti sa tag-ulan.

4. Mag-ingat sa manggugulat. Mas mahirap to kasi hindi mo naman talaga alam kung sino ang manggugulat sa iyo. Nang minsan nagulat ako, natabig ko ang pagkain ng kaibigan ko na nahulog sa loob ng bag ng isa ko pang kaibigan. Haaay. Watalayf.

5. Huwag ipapatong ang pagkain sa binder habang naglalakad at dumudukot ng pera sa bulsa. Matapos ko ipatong ang food ko sa aking binder para dumukot ng pera sa bulsa para makabili ng drinks, di ko na namalayan na nadudulas na pala ang pagkain ko. Nakakuha nga ako ng pera sa bulsa, nawalan nga ako ng pagkain. Consuelo de bobo: nasalba ko ang sarsa ng pagkain.

6. Flash drive + RSF = ULTIMATE DOWNLOAD!!! Dahil sa dial up lang ang aking internet sa bahay, naiinis ako tuwing nagdadownload ng mga kailangang software dahil inaabot ako ng mga buwan para makumpleto ang isang software (at sandamakmak na internet cards). Nang madiskubre ko ang kapangyarihan ng Flash drive, nagkaroon ako ng isang fiendish scheme. Sa RSF na ako nagdadownload ng software, music, pictures, kahit ano na downloadable. Haha. Problema ko naman ngayon kung paano bibigyan ng espasyo tong computer ko.

7. Masarap magmeeting sa Seattle's Best. Naging tambayan ko yun noong kasagsagan ng mga meetings ko sa Marketing, Opman, Pilosopiya at DevMan. Isang frappe at isang croissant, solb na ako sa mga nakakabagot na meeting.

8. Maghanda ng emergency fund....always. Ito na siguro ang pinakamagastos kong semester. Umaabot ang expenses ko sa mga kurso ko (photocopy, marketing expenses, transpo, binding, eklat eklat) mga P7000 ++. Exaj ba? Hindi. Seryoso to.

9. Huwag kumuha ng 6pm class kung may class ka na 830 am the next day. Suicide to. Naiba talaga ang aking biological clock dahil sa sked na ito. Minsan kulang sa tulog, at kung minsan sobra sa tulog. Kaya ako naging weirdo ako ngayong sem, alam ko.

10. Kahit mahirap na ang lahat ng gagawin, huminto at matutong ngumiti. Ika nga nila, stop and smell the roses...mag-ingat ka lang at baga poison ivy na pala yang sinisinghot mo. :)

2005-10-11T18:30:00.000+08:00

why is it that whenever i exert a LOT of effort in something that I do it seems that the returns are not enough?

it really pisses me off. i have prepared for the exams and this is what i get....?!!!

masaya ka na bang nakikita akong bumabagsak? this is what i get for having a lousy teacher as you are!!!

little sparkling diamonds in a great sand dune

2005-10-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

this will be my last post before the final exam comes, kaya nga minarapat ko na magkwento ng isa sa mga nangyari sa akin nitong linggong ito.

noong miyerkules ng hapon, mga 3 pm, galing ako sa isang konsultasyon sa marketing at nang matapos yung konsultasyon ko, at habang naglalakad palabas papuntang Sat Caf sa gilid ng SOM, iniisip ko lahat ng mga gagawin ko sa linggong kinahaharapan ko at sa mga linggo pang darating.

sa loob-loob ko, nagrereklamo na naman ako. kilala nyo ako bilang isang taong mahilig magreklamo lalo na kung acad work ang pag-uusapan, depende na lang kung gusto ko talaga yung trabaho ko. sa kasong ito, hindi lahat ng acad work gusto ko. iniisip ko kung ano ang mangyayari sa aking sarili habang ginagawa ko ang lahat nang ito. magmumukha ba akong zombie, o si frankenstein o ang mummy? haha.

sa aking mga pagmumuni-muni, tila nga yata, third year ang pinakamabigat na taon para sa mga mag-aaral. Noong nasa ikalawang taon ako, ang nasa isip ko lamang ay kung paano makakapasa ng Accounting. Ngayon naman, paano ko ipapasa lahat ng majors ko.

Hindi naman ako grade conscious ngayong taong ito. Para sa isang ewang rason, hindi ako naging grade conscious. Noong nasa high school ako, bawat quiz kompyuted lahat, may pa-forecast-forecast pa akong nalalaman. Ngayong nasa third year college na, kapag nasa finals week na lang ako nagbibilang kung ilang puntos pa ba ang kulang.

5 minute walk reflectionmula JGSOM dept hanggang sa SAt Caf. Matindi ka talaga Nicolo.

Bumili ako ng hotdog sandwich at C2. Sakit na ng tiyan ko dahil wala pa akong matinong lunch. Diretso ang sked ko mula umaga hanggang hapon. Ganyan talaga, sabi ng blockmate ko, ang buhay estudyante. Kahit oras ng pagkain mo, isang luxury na ngayon. Paano pa kaya ang pagtulog, pagligo at pagtsek kung may pulso pa ako?

Naupo ako sa isang bench. Ninanamnam ko lang sa loob ng sampung minuto ang hotdog. Nakatingin sa mga dumadaan. Nakatingin sa mga naglalaro ng football. Nakatingin sa wala. Puro buntong hinga ang lumalabas sa akin.

Kinalabit ako. Lingon ako. Nakita ko ang dalawang miyembro ko sa ACIL. Kumustahan. Kahit maikli lang. Ngumiti, bumati, kumain.

Tapos sabi ng isa sa kanila sa akin: Kuya, babawi po ako next time. Hindi ko iiwan mga kids ko.

Sabi ko: Ha? Bakit naman? Para bagang nawala ka na magpakailanman?

Sabi niya: Kuya, ewan...basta pakiramdam ko kailangan bumalik e.

Sabi ng kasama niya: Oo nga kuya, para ka na ngang tatay namin e. Salamat kuya!

Napatameme ako. Tatay ako. Nila? Oo, nila.

Kahit puno ako ng katarayan? Kahit sobrang maarte? Kahit reklamador araw at gabi? Kahit hindi makontrol ang inis at ang galit? Kahit hindi pasensyoso?

Paano?

May palagay ako na ang lahat ng mga kwento natin ay parang mga diyamante't brilyante. Ang kwento natin sa araw-araw ay parang mga diyamanteng matapos makuha ito ay nahuhulog sa isang malawak na disyerto at nakalilimutang balikan para alagaan. Ang mga tao sa buhay natin, tulad ng mga diyamante ay sobrang halaga na higit pa sa anumang karat na naisip ng tao. Minsan napapansin na nating nahulog na pala ang isa sa mga diyamante natin, pero nakalilimutang balikan. Kaya sa paglipas ng panahon, natatabunan ng buhangin, hanggang sa may makatuklas nitong muli. Pero hindi na pareho ang pagkatukalas na ito, sapagkat ibang-iba ang pagkatuklas ko sa pagtuklas ng ibang tao. Ang pinakaiba pang higit ay siya, nahanap niya, ako nakalimutan na.

Bakit nga ba nakalilimutang balikan ang mga diyamante natin? Kasi sabik na sabik na tayo sa paghahanap ng tubig o oasis sa gitna ng disyerto. Dahil atat rin tayong makaalis sa disyertong nakagigimbal sa atin. Gusto natin makalayas at makawala sa buhanging mainit, mapanganib at malawak na malawak.

Di ba sa buhangin rin naman nanggaling ang mga diyamante? Ang mga brilyantes ay galing rin sa buhangin, ang parehong buhanging itinatakwil natin?

Nawa sa ating paglalakbay sa kalawakan ng disyerto madampot natin ang mga diyamante't brilyante na nadadaanan natin, at huwag itong bitawan. Dalhin hanggang sa makarating sa oasis.

Sa mga kapwa kong mag-aaral, good luck sa inyo. Pulutin ang mga diyamante habang binabagtas ninyo ang disyerto, at baka hindi nyo na sila mabalikan pa.

2005-10-01T17:39:00.000+08:00

i've had one of my best sleeping periods this semester! haha! in the middle of hell, nagkaroon pa ako ng chance para makatulog! kaya nang-iinggit ako sa iba na namamaga na ang mga mata at may mga malalaking eye bags na parang kangaroo pouch na!!!

maraming naiinis sa akin dahil masyado raw akong nagpapakasaya ngayon whereas kailangan daw akong makisimpatya sa kanilang hellweek. My response to all of you: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HELL I HAVE BEEN THROUGH kaya just give me the benefit of celebrating just this once! Some people do not know how to be happy for the happiness of other people.Sheesh!

Anyway, that being out of the way, good luck to US all dahil hindi pa naman officially over ang hell week ko.

the puppetry of life

2005-09-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

bakit kapag ibinuhos mo na ang lahat ng makakaya mo pero ang kinalalabasan ay hindi ayon sa iyong inaasahan, bakit hindi ko makita ang mga bunga ng aking itinanim? nagtatanim ba ako sa isang tigang na lupa o ang hardinero ang may diperensya?

ang totoo nyan, parang isang malaking kalokohan na lang ang lahat, isang puppet stage kumbaga. Parang pinaglalaruan ka kahit pagod ka na, pilit na nagpapatawa kahit ayaw ko na, sumusunod sa galaw ng mga tali kahit masakit na.

ayoko maging puppet, pero iyon ang pinakatumpak na description para sa akin ngayon.

mukha akong puppet.

at sino ang nagkokontrol sa aking mga kilos? sa aking galaw?

maya-maya, tutubo na ang ilong.

at tulad ni Pinocchio, nangangarap ako na maging tao.

count your blessings instead of lambchops

2005-09-24T21:04:00.000+08:00

Today is not a good day to write but I am compelled to write because I am confused. when misery and despair strikes, I am all the more compelled to write.

I woke up today late in the morning with the hangover of yesterday’s marketing plan. I opened the computer, skipped breakfast and downloaded all the uploaded files that pertain to marketing, to be further editted by a third party. turns out that my groupmates did not upload everything and I missed the opportunity to send our marketing plan to a third person.

I went to school with the wind blowing in all directions. It does not matter to me if it was only wind, but this was a mixture of wind and water. I had to brush my business attire in front from all the leaves and smoke and God-knows-what things on my long sleeves. I am desperate to be clean because I cannot afford to meet the panelists in my shabby look, but what do they care anyway? They have cars to protect themselves, and I only have jeepneys to bear with.

I arrived in school at 1:00 pm. I received a text message saying that our area did not push through because of the heavy rainshowers in the area. But, O Lord, that was our last area day!!! Why permit the rain today when it could have been yesterday or some other day? When I saw my members’ looks on their faces, my heart was dampened with sorrow and wished that our last day with the kids could have been possible.

Count your blessings instead of sheep.

My defense was not until 3:00 pm. By 1;30 pm, it was my first time to see our powerpoint presentation. I quickly memorized my parts, rehearsed my lines, took note of my poise and diction. By 3:00 pm, I was shaking crazy with anxiety that I had to go to the washroom five times. I peeked into the small window to see what was going on with the group before us. I can see the looks on their faces that they were being grilled, roasted crispy hot. After 20 more minutes from 3 pm, they went out, with the unimaginable look on their faces. Anguish is the best word.

When my turen was up to explain my part, I could not believe that I was stammering and shaking like crazy and had small tongue slips in Filipino. Operations Management was not by cup of coffee and I admit that I am not the best person to talk to when it comes to how a company works. The panelists were not even impressed with our work. They sought for holes in our paper, trying to fulfill the roles they were intended to be. At the end of the defense, one of our groupmates peeked at the scorecard of one of the judges. He gave us an amazing D.

Count your blessings instead of sheep.

I almost slipped through the CTC walk because it was raining again really hard and the floor is amazingly slippery. I walked towards our formation session in ACIL which was held supposedly at a Kostka room but unfortunately, because of a freaky and irritating misunderstanding, our FS was held at a corridor in SEC A. This was supposed to be our last FS for the entire semester, and how lovely it was to stay outside on the corridors on a rainy day.

And because it was our last meeting together as San Mateo people, I had to say goodbye temporarily, hoping that I will still see them next semester. I could not smile, though I tried to smile, but with the sadness of goodbyes wreck my heart. I am assured of nothing, and I do not what to expect anymore.

Count your blessings instead of sheep.

After the FS, I was supposed to watch a play where one of my members is part of. When I arrived, there were no more tickets sold. My heart saddened even more even if I kept on telling other people to enjoy the play because you all deserve it.

But what do I deserve? Do I get misery, despair, anguish and regrets of farewells, tribulations and painful ordeals? What did I do to deserve such?

I was told many times in the past to count your blessings instead of sheep. What sheep, I asked? They have been turned into lambchops, for crying out loud!

I asked my members this question earlier: “Why is a goodbye another hello?” because it seems that it is the goodbye part that we are most engrossed. What about the hello? Getting past through goodbyes is indeed painful, but it does provide a new beginning or a horizon yet to discover.Who we are now is because of our choices, and our choices define who will be tomorrow.

Even the weather? Even the panelists? Even the no-more-ticket policy?

We do not choose to have those, but if we are dealing with existence, we should also know how to deal with the limitations set of our own existence.

The question then should be “What next?” instead of “Why this?”.

Grieve. Grieve for all the misery, the pain, the despair, the anguish of all that has been today, to say goodbye to what has been. But after that, say hello to the world. Even if I have only 3 more hours left before Sunday comes, I am bound to do something to welcome another new day, hoping to overcome the misery, anguish, pain and despair that has been.

me as a rockstah

2005-09-22T09:17:00.000+08:00

haha! im officially a singer (kahit sintunado) and a dancer (kahit kaliwa parehong paa)!!! pero mukhang nasa taray mood ata tong rockstah na to? hehehe...

labs yu jinky!!!!

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today is the special day of my dearly beloved teacher, mentor, biologist, chocolate-lover, workaholic, bookworm, comic-lover, Gaiman fanatic, mother and friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MAM AMY MASIGLAT-ALCORIZA!!!

sobrang miss ka na namin dito sa 'pinas!!! hahaha! i miss our badminton games and the days when we talk about books and food. take care!!! :) (sori, medyo malabo yung resolution nitong pic....)

ACET week part 1

2005-09-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

i missed the area last Saturday for the job that I had during the ACET week. I was one of the Admission assistants there so I had to really keep my butt on the move every minute. This kwento will be in four parts.

SATURDAY. SEPT 17. AM SESSION.

I had to wake up at 4:30 am in order to be on time for the roll call at 5:45 am. Yes people, 4:30 in the morning is not as comfortable as it looks especially on a beautiful, class-free Saturday morning. I arrived at school (I was assigned sa grade school) at 5:40 am.

The first task that I had was to check whether the classrooms are in good shape. And while I was doing my rounds, I was walking through memory lane. Grade School. Yes. Those were the baduy days and the totoy days. All the happy and funny and even painful memories flooded when I went to my former classrooms and observing the changes present. May point ata in that reminiscing when I was regretful that I did not take any pictures when I was in grade school noong unang panahon, but then again, oks na rin yun para makapagmove on ako.

By 7:15 am, the line was already clear at the gate of David Hall, the hall where the examinees will stay. From the information desk in front of the grade school cafeteria, nalaman namin that the line was really really long, almost near the Henry Lee Irwin theater. Maiisip mo rin na only a fraction of these students will be accepted and the rest will have to line up again in another college of their choice.

By 8:00 am, the exams started. Haaay. finally. I can now relax a bit.

By9:30 am, the merienda for the proctors and examiners arrived (Red Ribbon sya, baked mac and garlic bread! yummmmm!). After distributing the food for the proctors and examiners and to the guards and maintenance staff, the other OAA assistants and I enjoyed the leftovers (and there were a lot of extra baked macs!!!). One of the joys of being an OAA assistant is you get to eat everything extra, and your stomach will never whine again.

By 10:00 am, the examinees had their break. We had to be in the hallways to monitor their going to the restrooms and walking along the corridors. Sa totoo lang, maraming pasaway sa kanila, parang hindi sila mag-eexam. There were a lot of examinees who were reprimanded for their use of cellphones even during the break (as a policy, no cellphones are allowed for the entire duration of the test). Again, kahit sinamahan na namin sa loob ng banyo, ginagamit pa rin ang cellphone. Magaling kayo.

By 12:45 pm, the exams ended. Haha. Time to change the list of examinees per room. Pero bago nun...

11:30 am: dumating yung lunch namin. And as expected, Red Ribbon again. This time beef steak with gravy and buttered vegetables with mash potatoes. Mouth watering. Steaming hot. Feeling ko hindi pa nga ako natutunawanc from the two baked macs that I ate (asusss nicolo, black hole yung tiyan mo!), may lunch na kaagad. And as prophesied, may extra food uli. Hahaha! Tsaraaaaap talaga!

To be continued....

sigh

2005-09-15T22:18:00.000+08:00

ito ang linggo ng mga elitistang parang walang pakialam sa mga nangyayari sa paligid nila. naiinis lang ako habang nakikita ko silang masyadong abala sa pagsali sa mga aktibidades ng isang-linggong-pagkaelitista mula sa paano magkapera hanggang sa paano palaguin ang pera habang may prayer vigil at noise barrage sa labas ng gate ng ADMU. Kapansin-pansin ang mga tarpaulin at mga booths na umaapaw sa pagkamakonsumo na animo'y walang hanggang ang materyales at likas na yaman sa mundong ito. Hindi ba't kabalintunaan ang tawaging isang pamantasan ng mga lider ang ADMU, lalo na ang bahagi ng paaralan na tinutukoy ko.

Sa mga bahagi ng paaralang ito, hindi ako nagagalit sa inyo dahil sa damay kayo sa baluktot nilang programa. Sayang ang potensyal ng galing ng paaralang ito kung para ito sa pang-indibidwal na kadakilaan lamang.

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ang daming gagawin.

utang na loob, pwede bang huminto muna ang oras para lang matapos ko itong mga gagawin ko?

next week, asahang mukha akong zombie na kung saan-saan lumilipad ang utak ko. may tatlong major paper, sangkatutak na mga readings, 1 marketing plan, isang presentasyon, at isang defense na lahat ay magaganap sa susunod na linggo. sa iisang linggo na yun.

nay, tay, nagpatayo na po ako ng bahay sa bel field.

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ngayon ko lang napansin na maraming napakaKAPAL ng pagmumukha sa ADMU. Kahit alam namang maraming tao ang nakapila sa likod niya, parang deadma lang.

nakapila ako kanina sa xerox machine sa lib. Magpapaxerox ako ng ilang readings para sa Pilosopiya, at mga 15 pages lang ito. mga tatlong tao ang nasa harap ko kaya naman naghintay ako sa pag-aakalang mabilis lang mga nasa harapan ko. Yung sinusundan kong babae na may kasamang kapwa babae, sila na yung napakopya. Tapos may lumapit na isa pang babae. Sabi ni babae 3 "Pwedeng pasingit? 6 pages lang naman e?" Feeling ko friends sila, o magkakilala, kaya naman yung nasa harapan ko sabi "O sure, why not?" So ako naman, hintay uli.

Pagkatapos ni Babae 3, nagpaxerox na yung babaeng nasa harapan ko. Sabi niya, "Miss, pwedeng paxerox nito, in 15 copies each?" At nung makita ko yung ipapaxerox niya, mga tatlong libro lang naman yun. Kaya naman, naglakas loob na akong magsalita, "Miss, pwede bang ako muna, tutal, 15 pages long lang naman to e..."

Inirapan ako. Akala mo dadakmain niya ako. Nagreply: "Ummm...nagmamadali kasi ako e...at kailangan ko na ito, as in now na."

Ayoko ng gulo. Ayoko ng gulo.

At humirit pa: "Kasi naman, nauna ako dito, napaka-unfair naman para sa iba kung pauunahin kita."

Nagsasayelo na ang mukha ko. Pero of course, me don't want to be in shame. Me want dignity. Walk out with dignity. Walk out, chin up, as if nothing happened.

Punta akong banyo ng mga lalake. Saka ako napamura ng malakas.

Labas uli, walk with dignity.

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September 15 na pala. Great. Araw ng sweldo ngayon. Kelan kaya magkakasweldo?

mula kay Aristotle

2005-09-13T20:48:00.000+08:00

"The beholding of truth is in one way difficult, but in another way easy. A sign of this is that , while no one happens to be capable of it in an adequate way, neither does anyone miss it, but each one says something about nature, and though one by one they add little or nothing to it, from all of them put together something comes into being with a certain stature."

-Metapisika, II Unang Kabanata

Kaya tayo patuloy na nabubuhay ay dahil sa tayo ay totoo, at kung susupilin natin ang anumang totoo ay para na rin nating sinupil ang ating mga sarili bilang totoong meron. Mahirap ang manatiling totoo, pero madali rin, tulad ng sabi ni Aristotle. Isang pagtataksil sa ating mismong sarili bilang totoo kung pilit nating itatago ang katotohanan mula sa lipunan. At dahil sa meron tayong sinasabi na TOTOO, mayroon itong kontribusyon sa kinagagalawan natin, at kapag pinagsama-sama, mayroong nabubuong totoo na mas matibay at matatag na HINDI DAPAT ISAWALANG-BAHALA.

Sana naman kung sinumang pinunong nakaupo sa Malacanang ngayon ay manatiling totoo sa pamamagitan ng paggamit ng kanyang kapangyarihan na ipahayag ang katotohanan. Ayaw na naming manirahan sa kasinungalingan. Sa katotohanan lamang kami tunay na makaiiral muli.

presenting....

2005-09-11T19:59:00.000+08:00

MY NEW AND IMPROVED BLOG!!!!

i am now an official microbloggist!

Everyone is welcome to the reception after this.

(sinipa mula sa med school, sana naging microbiologist na lang di ba?)

trade offs and other rambling-mambling

2005-09-08T22:51:00.000+08:00

THE LAW OF OPPORTUNITY COSTS:

Ceteris paribus, a consumer trades it off an item of equal or of less utility for an item of better utility.

Simply put, given all things equal, a person will give up something for a higher value by giving something equal or less than the value of the wanted item. This is a well known economic law that really hits me whenever the hell week or month is here to stay.

Why does man have to trade off something in order to get what he wants? Why does man have to give off even a little in order to get what he desires? Why can't we just have it all without giving up something?

Tulad ngayong week na ito. I had to give up time studying for a certain subject in order to finish a project for another subject. The time I should have spent for studying was sacrificed because of a marketing plan...well, the marketing plan was a booming success; my other subject was a sounding failure. Cramming is not part of my vocabulary, and no matter how nicely I arranged my sked and plans, I ended up with the following results. One compensates for the other.

And i really envy people how they managed to bargain and to make tawad on how they should spend their trading.

This law is a very true law, that exists not only in economics, but in life as well. Nakakainis lang siya dahil sobrang totoo niya.

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I think I am enjoying statistics. I think lang.

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Lumabas na pala ang Kiko Machine by Manix Abrera. I will soon buy that book and celebrate the compensations of life. Kiko Machine is a new Philippine comic strip published everyday at the PDI and now with its compilation out, I buy it and love it like what I did to my other comic books. Kiko Machine is mainly about the slices of life mainly in a college level. Kung sabagay, most of the makwela moments happen during college. :)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA MARY!!! Yey! Ilang taon ka na?

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Marunong na sa wakas maglink si Jinkydodoodles! yeye! i see my name on it! :D

may kalsada pa naman

2005-09-08T12:49:00.000+08:00

one of the YM status messages i have seen yesterday: pinatay na ang impeachment, buti na lang may kalsada pa naman.

what is impeachment anyway? does impeachment equate iteslf to getting rid of the president?

i have developed my own definition of impeachment: by impeachment we mean to seek the truth of the complaints being accused of one person.

hence, the impeachment is a process of truth-seeking, and by truth-seeking, we don't mean to find an truth with the predisposition that we already have the truth, but we seek for it as we move on investigating the facts and details.

and of course, if everything fails, the streets are the next option.

i am curious: how do we defend the truth in the streets? how do we uphold it in our rallies?

the filipino is as always from time imemorial, reactive (it would take me a while to retrace our soujourns in Philippine history). We are reactive yet would not like to provide solutions. It is as if the answer to our problems is on the streets.

point being is that we can defend and uphold the truth in many ways, not just by being on the streets.

sure, it is good that your voice to be heard, but the matter is, is anyone listening to your voice?

i am defending the truth by NOT being on the streets of Katipunan because i know there are better ways of upholding the truth. As a student, I continue to study hard in order to help my fellow Filipinos. I want to become a teacher someday and it is my dream to shape the minds of the youth through values.

As simple as that.

It may seem "yeah right" to you, but nonetheless, it is something that produces something concrete. not something that produces air and noise and violence.

kanya-kanyang style lang yan. kanya-kanyang paniniwala din.

Gjetangelse

2005-09-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

naiiyak na ako sa sobrang dami ng ginagawa ko.

pero parang lahat ng efforts ko wasted.

i had a friendly chat with one of my few close friends and i told him how i wished that my life was almost the same as we were in high school. high school was the time that i can really control and manipulate anything, from groupmates, to friends, to teachers and grade. best of all the grade.

now, my life is almost uncontrollable.

i have groupmates that are a pain in my *ss. i have groupmates who are inconsiderate, annoying, and obnoxious. they consider themselves the know-it-alls, the gods-and-goddesses-so-obey-me. and yes, i have groupmates who pretend to be leaders and seem to have contingency plans in case something happens.

i have teachers who are way too boring, full of malice and cruelty. i have professors who consider themselves professors even if they do not really know their subject matter. and of course, i have teachers who forget that once upon a time, they were once students.

i have friends who pretend to be my friends, after you have trusted them and built your confidence in them, would transform into fiends at your back. the hard part is that some of this so called friends are your colleagues, in organizations and other activities.

but of course, the grade. i have a mediocre grade, a mark that i strongly and vehemently feel that i do not deserve such a grade.

it wasn't as good as compared to high school. gone were the days when i was booming with pride and joy and inspiration, eager to know more, eager to discover the world's vastness.

and i try to relive it.

i try to be the same good old self.

it's just so wierd to be in college. i long for my classmates in high school. kumusta na kaya sila? i long for my former teachers here and abroad. kumusta na kaya sila? i long for my barkada, the original barkada and groupmates and circle of friends. nasaan na kaya sila?

i really miss my old life. and i really do.

eavesdropping

2005-08-08T20:19:00.000+08:00

kanina while i was fixing my locker sa SEC C, i was eavesdropping to two interesting lovers. there was a guy and a girl sitting on the "bakod" of the lockers. As they talked, they were hugging and kissing each other.

Guy: Wag dito...nakakahiya e.

Girl: Akala ko ba 'ling, mahal mo ako....

Guy: Oo nga, pero antayin na lang natin pag wala nang tao.

Girl: E ano pa nga ba tinatago mo...nakita ko na nga yan....?

Guy: Kahit na. Mas masarap daw dun sa M.O. (Manila Observatory).

Girl: E may gagawin pa ako mamaya e...may tatapusin pa akong paper para kay *toot*.

Guy: Maya na yun, mas madali kung sabay nating gagawin yun.

*kisses one another and hugs*

i love to stay and pretend to be fixing my locker but i felt that they may be noticing me already so i left.

hi.hello.how.are.you.goodbye.

2005-08-05T22:21:00.000+08:00

*bangag mode*

i am deprived of sleep for the past three days or so, trying to finish papers and reports and presentations that make me puke. ayoko na. third year is itching my scalp crazy, darkening the shadows beneath my eyes and form rice terraces on my forehead. this is not happening, and yes, there it is.

stress. how to fight stress my way.

go to the library. read a book. any book that is of interest. open the book to any page. then sleep on top of it.

or go to jollibee. order everything that you want. stay in the corner of the fastfood place. sulk and think while eating.

or go to national. stay at the second floor. near the comics section. laugh til you drop, or if it seems you have spent almost the entire day there.

or sleep. drop everything and sleep.

i do not care if i snore too loud, i deserve to snore. i am deprived to snore when i was awake, give me the benefit of snoring when i am asleep!

i love philo and philo alone. i hate the inconsistent weather.

i need to find my rugby before i run out of brain cells again.

august is not my type of month. august makes my head hurt more often than usual. goodness gracious, it is also the time of the semester when the library is full. crap.

tralalalala. i love books. i love studying. i love getting As and B+s and Fs. i love schooool. because it is sooooo cooooool.

yeah whatever.

*geek mode*

sorry?

2005-08-03T19:58:00.000+08:00

a friend told me a while ago, "cool lang. baka produckto ng stress lang yan." Well, oks lang sana kung ganun kaso lang when something is really not right, stress or no stress, i react as defensively as possible. I may be offensive at times, especially when trying setting things right, but still there is no excuse for personal humiliation!

I am writing this as I slowly and tryingly keep my cool down. A former classmate of mine was really offensive with the use of words. Oks lang yan kung first time, but this keeps on happening a lot of times, and not just to me, but to my other friends as well!

You do not demand for respect, but you earn it.

I am not only protecting to the best of my interests but my friends' as well. Magkalimutan na lang tayo kung hindi ka marunong makipagkapwatao.

*Arggggh* I feel so bad inside whenever I get angry at someone. I usually apologize when I feel that I am the one who made the offense, however, when I feel I am the one aggravated, patigasan na lang. Some people don't really care about the sentence "I'm sorry" for it seems it is part of their automatic regimen in conflicts.

The word is very powerful. It has its own innate power that can either create or destroy other people's lives. No amount of effort can chase the word back to the speaker's mouth once it has been released. The word in itself is a weapon for or against one's own beliefs.

I am still hurt. I still feel devalued. No length of pakikisama or pinagsamahan can really ease down the gravity of words. Only time can heal fresh wounds.

2005-07-31T19:40:00.000+08:00

for our FS yesterday, we were tasked to write, draw, and decorate our names. this is what i came up.

it happens that our names have different meanings, each according to their own character and personality. Our names reflect on who we are, our identity.

And how everyone drew their name have special significance because according to psychology, the lines, colors, and everything else on the paper stands for something in our lives.

here is my explanation of my name and how i drew it:

My name is a Greek word for "victory of the people". My mom gave this name to me in accordance to my Italian surname, hence having an Italian sounding name. My first names were derivatives of the English form, Nicholas and Paul, two saints who were adored by my mom. St. Nicholas has its feastday on Dec. 6, the day I should have been born, yet delayed because it seemed that "I" have chosen Dec 9, the Feastday of the Our Lady of Guadalupe. Paul, was the first missionary, a rebel turned into an apostle of Christ.

When I was young, I hated my second name, Paolo. Because people called me unusual nicknames such as Pao-pao, Paolito, Pao-pao-siopao...etc. When I looked up what my second name is, it meant "few". Great. Why few, not many?

When I grew up and was about to enter high school, I always loved being the leader of any group. I always wanted everything to be in accordance to my will. It was only in high school that I have learned that there was such a thing known as democracy. It was only in high school that i have finally learned how to listen to others' opinions, comments, and suggestions. I remained to be a leader in many groupworks, but I try to practice liberal methods.

According to the Enneagram test, I am a perfectionist-boss. I demand perfection in everything that I do. I can't accept mediocrity, the "bahala na" mentality, nor the "pwede na yan" system. I strive for MAGIS and I feel defeated whenever I do not perform to the best of my capacities. In this form I achieve my victory, which I believe this leads to the victory of my group.

Of course, it is not in every battle that I win. I experience defeats, and foresee one, esp if the situation seems hopeless. You may describe me as a really sore loser. Sometimes I can't sleep thinking of what went wrong, or "sana ganito na lang pala ang ginawa ko." I feel that is the significance of the meaning "few" in my name: I strive to victory in my battles for my people, and yet I can only win a few. Lesson learned: choose your battles.

There is a volcano behind my name. It's meaning is quite connected to how I act towards any group, especially if the work is not on my standards. I am explosive at times, and the only way to appease me is to have a sacrifice (not by flesh, but by sweat and blood).

And there are stars all around. I have always believed in Dante Alighieri's last lines in each of the soujourns. I forgot the exact lines but the meaning is this, "For every journey, you will always end up reaching for the stars." Kumbaga, the stars are your final destination, an aim so high. When I was young and not that grouchy, I have always admired the night sky and look into the stars, hopefully I could someday be there.

*****

The FS was all about self-acceptance of who you are, and what was given to you in the first place. Because, if you do not know how to accept yourself, then you can't possibly accept others.

This is one really good FS...and one of the best that I had. :)

2005-07-31T10:07:00.000+08:00

last night was supposed to be a fun night.

until the inevitable happened.

i felt a certain dizziness and a stomach pain that never before happened to me. i felt my hands wringing in pain and i felt so awkward that i felt i could have collapsed in the middle of the floor in just a second. i had to remove all my costume and change immediately back to simple clothes.

good thing a friend of mine noticed the terror in my eyes and immediately sought for a glass of water. He also brought me food because I have no longer the strength to stand from where I am.

as much as possible, i did not want to create a scene, because i do not love being the talk of the town. as i clutched to my right stomach or abdomen I was praying that hopefully this will never last.

i was surrounded by concerned people last night. one advised me to rest and not to move to ease the pain. another kept giving me a constant supply of water. Another kept on asking me on my past illnesses.

i do not have any serious illnesses from the past except for chicken pox and migraine. i am scared however that i may have something that i do not know of.

i was shaking involuntarily last night. the only miracle i saw was when i had at once the strength to direct our presentation. after that i sought immediately for something to lean on or to sit on.

to those whom i have not bid my goodbyes, my apologies. i hate leaving without saying goodbye or thanking the host for that matter. i was really not feeling that well with my eyes blurring and knees weakening.

i came home that night coughing out all that i have eaten. i was inspecting my vomit for any clue whatsover. At least no blood came out.

once again my thanks to those who were at my side, in the most needed time of my night. :)

random ramblings

2005-07-28T11:56:00.000+08:00

nakatulog ako today hanggang 11 am. Muntik na akong magpanic dahil ako ko wednesday ngayon, pero yun pala thursday na pala. Wooh! Thursday classes begin at 3pm pa naman kaya oks lang.

Pagkagising ko, yung pinalabhan kong bag nasa kama ko. Sinuguro ko yung labandera namin na germ-free na siya kasi isa ito sa mga pinakamamahal ko na mga bagay na hindi sinanto ng ulan at baha. Kakaiba.

excited na ako dis saberday. Wala pa naman talaga akong costume pero sobrang excited na ako for our presentation. Bwahahahaha! Nagbabalik muli ang competitive powers ko! Fantasy costume. Help me out here. Ayoko si Harry Potter, LOTR, o kaya isa sa mga Disney favorites. Gusto ko something unique that would stand out talaga. Shakesperean? Mag-Hamlet na lang kaya ako? Why not! O kaya yung isa sa mga magical characters ng Midsummer Nights Dream! Wohooo!

May nakita akong cute signature sa isa sa mga email ko at hindi ko magawang hindi ilagay dito:

"To do is to be" sabi ni Descartes
"To be is to do" sabi ni Voltaire
"Do be do be do" sabi ni Sinatra

Tantanananan! Labs you world!

changing and identities

2005-07-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

i was compelled to type something but i do not know what.

oh yes. I was asking this question to myself hours ago: If our life here on earth is full of changes, therefore, no matter is permanent. However, how are we able to keep our identities?

Think of it. As we grow up from fetuses to babies to toddlers to perky children to youths to finally who we are today, we change by the nanosecond, actually even beyond the nanosecond. But how are we able to manage to keep our identities despite the changes?

A paper which is neatly flattened when crumbled is still paper right? But of not the same texture or shape or size, nevertheless, it is still the same paper. A baby whose name is X grew to become a scientist still bears the same name and identity. A green leaf when days go by becomes a brown leaf, nevertheless, holds the identity of a leaf.

How does our temporary existence manage to keep our identities?

The First San Mats area day....

2005-07-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

...was bombarded with thunderstorms and scattered rainshowers. My goodness, it was really terrible.

Excited pa man din ako nung umaga dahil alam kong maganda ang sikat ng araw at maraming members ang pupunta. Excited din ako dahil sobrang prepared ako from the TS session to the FS session.

*Rain, rain go away come again another day....*

I accompanied the Area 1 members to meet with their foster family. OKs pa yung moment because hindi pa masyadong umuulan. We had to leave so early sa Area 1 because of the fear of the sudden flood (which is in fact magical because a little drizzle causes knee-deep waters).

I left Area 1 sa bakery while I attempted to fetch those left at the Church. I rode a jeep and suddenly stopped in Caltex. Reason of the driver is to let the rain slow down. While in the gasoline station, I was making all the text messages to the bus driver, to the area head of Consti Hills, to the members about the cancelled plans and urgently move back to Ateneo again. I also texted the driver to fetch me at the PETRON station while I was in CALTEX station. My mistake. I went off the Caltex station and waited for the bus to come. However, it became clear to me that I texted the wrong station so what I did was to walk despite the ankle-deep waters. Not walk, but brisk walk. And as I approached the bus, I fell into a pothole which made my pants soaked in murky water. Great. Just what I need.

Inside the bus I was continuously squeezing the water out of my shoes and my pants. I had to remove my socks because the feeling of wet toes and socks irritate me. I was ranting endlessly inside my heart about what happened.

But all was forgotten when the FS came. I felt...like a child once more. This is one really cool FS and I really did enjoy it. The secret pala to a successful FS is a joint planning of the area head and the spiritual moderator. Most of my members, if not all, really look forward to next week's TS and FS. I felt really fulfilled within despite the mangy look the storm has brought upon me.

In that sense, I am made to become aware that in the end every storm there is a golden sky. This is only the first and I know there are other storms I am going to face, together with my members. It's just a matter of withstanding the storm and finding a way to finally see the golden sky.

excellence and

2005-07-22T22:01:00.000+08:00

i have currently a professor who is driven to excell as part perhaps of his daily regimen. He is good in his expertise (not good but exceptionally well), he has garnered awards here and there about his achievements in his own field, he has made a reputation well in the campus. No doubt, he is one excellent teacher.

Partly excellent.

Excellence comes in both the mind, the spirit and the heart.

The mind may be well working, efficiently well to be distinguished as knowledgeable. However, if the person does not excell in heart and spirit, the mind becomes only a venue for head-knowledge information.

The heart may be working enough, driven by passion or sincerity or empathy. However, if the person does not excel in mind and spirit, the heart is only emotionally-driven and baseless.

The spirit may be enlightened through constant reflection and meditation, however if one lacks the power of the mind and the spirit, the spirit tends to look only inwardly and assumes that everything around him or her is constant.

You may have a lot of knowledge, but you do not have the heart to be real and sincere, lest be your rigid spirit as you only want to see things on its practicality.

Such excellence is not worth dying for. I would rather choose to speak to someone on an average level with the three working functions than let my mind be bombarded by knowledge pulled from your rotting innards.

Feeling the Meron

2005-07-18T16:45:00.000+08:00

this is the day that i have realized that I am a human being.

i woke up late this morning, perhaps by fate. I walked to school unlike other ordinary days that I ride a tricycle. I felt my feet wringing in pain, but somehow, I felt attached to the earth that I am stepping on.

It took me 20 minutes to walk from the Barangka stairs to the Faura Hall, 15 minutes later than what I usually do.

This is the day when I take my mind off everything I must do.

I felt my breathe for the first time in months.

I felt the morning breeze and the tender sunshine. I heard the chirping birds of the Covered Courts, the humming engines of the tricycles, the busy people's voices.

Buksan ang isip.

At umunawa.

sensitivity

2005-07-13T20:31:00.000+08:00

mabilis ako mapikon.

since grade school days, i am the person who is always frowning when anyone bothers me through name calling, teasing and back biting. I lessened that tendency through control and anger management when i was in high school, but then again, i am still sensitive.

and in college i am still sensitive...but an improved sensitivity because if before i fight those who bully me with words through words, now i can fight through words with substance.

kanina, i was about to explode again.

this is very tough from me as a person who expects respect. And appreciation.

I am deeply troubled from within.

I am exerted a lot and i mean A LOT of effort in making it successful.

Nakakahiya kayo. Talo nyo pa ang mga Grade 5 students.

But what can I do? I am fighting a battalion of pubescent but immature teens.

I need not reiterate this, but it just sickens me to see something you once love despise you.

radical change of behavior. conversion of heart.

The least naman, is to PRETEND you are interested, not show disinterest in front of me.

radical change of behavior...then morph.

*arghhhhhh*

the Gaiman experience

2005-07-11T19:53:00.000+08:00

actually, the title of this entry is very misleading because i have not experienced Gaiman at all. i will narrate as accurately as possible the events that happened today.

i was very excited to start this day because i know for a fact that i will eventually meet neil gaiman, celebrated author of the sandman series. i was praying that this day will never rain as i go on my way to the gateway mall, araneta-cubao.

12:30 pm - finished my last class. I ate my lunch and allowed to interview the 2 new applicants for ACIL. Afterwhich I promised my self to leave.

1:45 pm - i went to the bank in front of Katipunan to withdraw some money. Affirming myself that it was all worth it, I decided to withdraw a sufficient amount that will cover my transportation expenses and of course, the book expense. I had to wait 30 minutes before the bank released to me the money because they found out that my signatures did not match the signature card. I should have updated my signature card a year ago, or whenever I decide to change my signature.

2:20 pm - arrived at the LRT 3 station in Katipunan. With money in my bag, I am bound to see Gaiman at last!!!

2:40 pm - I arrived at the Araneta-Cubao station. Since the station is beside Gateway Mall, I had to walk a little na lang.

But i found a horrendous long line extending to the entrance of the mall.

Fully Booked is strategically situated near the entrance of the mall. I squeezed my way in, and saw to my horror that Fully Booked will be opened at exactly 4 pm, the time when the book signing will take position. I also saw a table with the cashier and a shelf of books consigned outside the entrance of Fully Booked. The books on the shelf were Gaiman's works, however, almost all are the Sandman series. I checked out the books. The series range from about 800 pesos to as high as 2000 pesos. I was doubting if I should spend my whole money on one of the series. I approached the lady in charged of manning the table:

Me: Miss, wala na ba yung Stardust ninyo?
Miss: Ah, wala na po sir, out of stock na.
Me: Anong oras pa?
Miss: Kaninang 1 am pa.
Me: Huwaaaat?! E, kelan pa ba yung pila na yan (pointing to the long line outside the mall).
Miss: Kahapon pa po yan, mga 4pm ata. Diyan na rin natulog ang mga yan.
Me: Ah ok. Wala na bang paparating na stock galing sa Rockwell (Fully Booked Rockwell)?
Miss: Wala po e. Out of stock na rin sila. Buti nga po nauna na kaming nag-order kasi noong Biyernes sila naubusan.
Me: Sige, salamat na lang.

Wala pa si Neil Gaiman nun. At that moment, I am still discerning whether to buy one of the books (Sandman Series) or go back to school empty handed. Then something struck me.

I am in Gateway. I am in the middle of LRT 3 and MRT 3.

3:15 pm - I bought a ticket bound for Ortigas. I have my bias on LRT 3 for being well maintained and very clean. Wandering thoughts...

Last Saturday, I spent almost the whole morning calling up bookstores if they have a copy of any of Neil's books. The only stores that have are Bestsellers in The Podium, Powerbooks in Megamall, Powerbooks in Glorietta, and of course, Fully Booked.

3:30 pm - Arrived at the Ortigas Station. I rushed to Megamall and found the Powerbooks where I wanted. I ran (literally) to the customer service.

Me: *pant**pant**sweat* Gaiman?!!!
Lady in blue: Excuse me?
Me: Neil Gaiman? Where are your books by Neil Gaiman?!!!
Lady in blue: Right this way sir!
*and the Lady in Blue rushed to the center section of the store*
Lady in Blue: Here you are sir. Enjoy!

And there it was: Neil's books in pocketbook form. Price range: about 300 pesos each.

I bought 3 books, thinking that it will be a long time when I return back to this store. In the mean time, I was celebrating in my heart the right choice that I made.

4:10 pm - Arrived at the Araneta-Cubao station and rushed to Fully Booked, still hoping that I might be able to let my books signed. Unfortunately, I saw crowd in front of the store, making me impossible to go in. I also saw some of the fanatics having their books signed.

And of course, I saw the well-celebrated Neil.

My only regret was that I don't have a photo to show as a proof that everything that I have seen or everything that I have felt are true. My feet were killing me as I observe the long line of fanatics getting their books signed, or having their shirts autographed. I was sweating a lot as I see the people's curiosity to actually meet Neil.

Well, at least I saw him.

4:25 pm - I arrived at the Katipunan LRT station. I was worried that I might be late for a meeting, but the thought of seeing Gaiman in person, even from a far, was worth the travel (I computed all my transportation expenses for that day and believe it or not, it totaled to 75 pesos!).

And of course, I had the best bargain of books. Imagine, a book in Fully Booked is worth 3 books in Powerbooks...of the same author. The real bargain that I have learned in this experience is that know how to see the light, or if not, create one in the midst of darkness.

I just wished Paulo Coelho would be here soon. :)

survey says...

2005-07-10T21:10:00.000+08:00

from mam amy's meme#1.

total number of books owned.
including the textbooks? plenty. the books that i have are not inherited (the books that i have inherited are accounting and commerce books from my mom because most of the books they owned were consumed in a fire in our old house). i have painstakingly bought them either from my own pocket or from begging from my parents. some books are gifts to me, which later i did found i out that they were useful in college. Some of the books that I have bought are required in high school (yeah, in book reports), but most of them I bought out of curiousity (and hey, it did work!).

last book i bought.
"Business Statistics, 4th edition, updated" by Ken Black. Technically, it is still a book which i bought last week. But in terms of pleasure reading book, "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder.

last book i read.
"Macroeconomics 4th ed." by Gregory Mankiw. Again, technically, this is still a book (comment on this book: of all the economics books that i have, this is one of the best that i have read. Economics is brought to the layman's terms, unlike most economic books that use complex words to make the book look complicated). But for pleasure reading sake, "Personal" by Rene O. Villanueva. My Filipino 12 teacher recommended to us this book which I forgot and suddenly stumbled upon this book at the library a few weeks ago. It is a set of essays on childhood to teenage to adulthood memoirs of the author in La Loma, Manila. Very interesting to read.

currently reading.
"Pambungad sa Metapisika" ni Padre Roque Ferriols, SJ. This is not your typical textbook in Philosophy, but it really makes you stick to what you are reading.

5 books that mean a lot to me that i really like.
only five? sige, i will exclude the textbooks that i also love.

1. sophie's world, jostein gaarder. after every chapter, i am bound to take a deep moment of silence. no kidding.

2. eva luna, by isabel allende. my literature professor introduced me this book because she said that i had a "taste for magical realism". After reaing eva luna, i was hoping to find its sequel, "the stories of eva luna", but unfortunately, i can't find it.

3. Prayers and Devotions, by Pope John Paul II. I have searched all the major bookstores in Manila if they have a copy of this book and they said none. Haha! At least I have one! It is 15 minute day by day reflections and prayers of the beloved Pope. This copy was bought from the Vatican City (and was sent to me upon request). :)

4. alice in wonderland and through the looking glass, by lewis carrol. the simplicity of this book is what astonishes me. there are questions that i really have to think over and over again. i finished this book during my 4 day stay in bohol.

5. the whole paulo coelho series. haha. madaya ako!!! my former biology teacher in high school introduced me one of the books by paulo coelho. After reading "The Alchemist", coelho collection was born. yey!

tag 5 people and have them fill this out.
chinky
machoo
rica
kat
vicente

snooze me

2005-07-06T18:57:00.000+08:00

Neil Gaiman is in town and he will be available for book signing in Powerbooks in Gateway Mall on July 11 at 4pm.

*checks the calendar* It's a Monday.

*pauses* I have class.

*double checks class sked* My classes are in the morning til 1230 pm.

*checks the planner* I have a meeting at 4:30 pm.

*calculates* Cubao to Katipunan LRT takes only 15 minutes.

*pats back* Kaya ko yan!!!

*checks bank account* Yep I have cash to spend...

*puts a big PostIt note on the computer monitor* GO TO GATEWAY MALL. BUY STARDUST. GET AUTOGRAPH OF GAIMAN. :)

*smiles*

so many things to do, so little time

2005-07-05T02:08:00.000+08:00

yes, i know, kagagalitan ninyo na naman ako for being a freaking nerd...forgive me, this is my junior year, and I can't afford not to be a nerd this year (this goes the same for my extracurricular activities. I never knew junior college would be so stressing!).

As I type this entry, I am in the middle of cramming a paper. Apparently, I am having a hard time extracting the knowledge juices resulting to boredom and lack of interest for this paper. It is a good thing nevertheless that I am only required to write on one page, short bond paper. Hehehe.

Checklist for the week (to let you all know how EASY life, as you might describe it, would be for me):

TUESDAY:
TH 131 (Marriage, Family Life and Human Sexuality): Paper Due Today
PH 101 (Philosophy of the Human Person I): Release of Question for the Long Test
POM 104 (Operations Management): Quiz on Facilities; Due of Deliverable 1

WEDNESDAY:
MKT 101 (Principles of Marketing): Must go to AC Nielsen for Psychographics of the Food Industry
PH 101: Due of Long Test 1 (5pm exact)
POM 104: Interview with Splash Corporation
TH 131: Consultation on the Group Presentation and Group Outline

THURSDAY:
POM 104: Quiz on Supplement 5, Project Management
DS 130 (Development Management): Must go to NGOs for Community Intervention Investigation
MKT 101: Must finalize the draft for Pass 1

FRIDAY:
NO CLASSES...
however tasks should be complete before the following deadlines on Monday:
MKT 101: Marketing Plan Part I
DS 130: First Draft of the Community Intervention Investigation
POM 104: Long Test 1 (on Saturday)
TH 131: Final Outline of the Paper and Presentation

***********

I wish I have multiple bodies attending to multiple needs!!! Huwaaaaah!!!

*back to geek mode*

my FAVORITE book

2005-06-30T21:46:00.000+08:00

so far it is the most WIDELY read book by any junior Management Economics major because our professor is really loves this book so much that her quizzes are objective in nature...too objective if you ask me. Never did I expect that one day I will have a professor who is into the "by the book" system...from cover to cover.

the good thing about this book is that it is concise and clear on certain concepts in operations. The problem with this is that it is TOO clear for me that there are a LOT of company facts that I really do not need to know (well, it is interesting to know them since most are trivial).

anyway...

this occured to me during a conversation with ML. how are the D boys? I am so cluttered with my work and acads that i haven't had the chance to ask whether the D boys are still alive....or perhaps breathing. i do not have any news anymore with the others except for a certain few such as ML,NS,JQ and JB. Kasalanan ko rin naman kasi e, i am too focused with work that i forget the ones dearest to me. Not even my blockmates can fill the gap I feel, because the level or degree of love that I have for my classmates in D are way beyond what I feel with my block. Sure my block is a grace for me in one way, but my old pals back in high school are a gift like no other.

JF gave me an instant message the other day and said that there will be a reunion in December. To be honest, as much as I want to go to this reunion, I am hesitant. Primarily because I feel I have not accomplished something special unlike LC, JQ, and II who excell in their fields of interest and expertise. I feel that I have nothing to show to them...well, as of the moment. Baka ma-disappoint lang yung iba because there is a level of expectation to be met from everyone, especially in reunions. Parang year-end evaluation ito ng D-boys e. haaay.

Parang hindi pa ako handa. Pero gusto ko. So paano na?

***

oo nga pala, P56.05 na ang halaga ng piso kontra sa dolyar. As of yesterday yun. Tapos tomorrow, effective na ang VAT increase. Kaya nga nagmadali ang tatay kong pumunta sa gasolinahan dahil at 12 mn magtataas na naman ang gasolina. Ibig rin sabihin nun, tataas na rin ang presyo ng bilihin. So for now, goodbye Jollibee, goodbye McDonalds, goodbye Red Ribbon, goodbye Goldilocks, goodbye Robinsons Metro East. Haaaay. Why should the students also suffer?

Hello...hello Garci?

2005-06-30T11:27:00.000+08:00

marami na atang articles ang isinulat tungkol dito sa isyung ito. Hindi ko na rin masabi kung kanino ako papanig o kung kanino ako maiinis. last night, may nilabas na statement si Susan Roces ukol sa mga nagaganap sa lipunan. "Ang sinungaling ay kakambal ng magnanakaw" aniya. By the moment, I don't know if things are getting better or getting worse, at least from my point of view.

tinalakay rin namin ito sa pilosopiya. As expected, samu't saring reaksyon...kesyo naiinis sila, kesyo natatawa sila, kesyo wala na raw pag-asa ang lahat. namamangha lang ako kung paano mag-isip ang mga atenista dahil karamihan nagbibigay ng mga pahayag nila ukol sa isyung hindi alam ang kabuuang kwento, kung hindi man, kaunti lamang ang alam animo'y alam na ang lahat.

personally, hindi ko alam ang lahat at kakaunti lamang ang alam ko gawa ng wala na rin ako halos panahon magbasa ng dyaryo o manood ng telebisyon (take note: nagpapakanerd muna ako ngayon). sa klase namin, ito lamang ang maibabahagi ko (at naibahagi ko nga naman):

Saan patutungo ang lahat pagkatapos nito? Dahil sa ang Pilipino mahilig magtuturo kung sino ang maysala, saan na tayo dadamputin ngayon? Mayroong isang nilalang na umamin ng hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang inamin, at humingi ng patawad sa kasalanang hindi ko alam kung anong kasalanan. And then what happens?

Enter opposition people and opportunists. Gusto nila raw bumaba na si Gloria at Noli sa posisyon para ang pumalit naman daw ay si Susan. Saan na tayo patutungo nito pagkatapos ang lahat?

Kasi nga mahilig tayong magtuturo kung sino ang maysala. Dahil sa ang isa ay nagkasala, hindi na tayo kasama doon. Sa halip, tayo rin ay maypagkakasala dahil pasaway tayong lahat. Mahilig tayong sumuway sa sistema, sa patakaran.

For instance, may guro akong dumarating sa klase 15 minutes late. Lagi yan. Kaya naman karamihan, kung hindi man lahat sa kanyang mga estudyante, 15 minutes late rin kung dumating. Paano naman sa mga tumakbo mula sa kadulu-duluhan ng Ateneo para lamang masabing on time sila (on time meaning pagkabell andun na sila)? Minsan nagtanong yung guro namin sa isang kaklase kong na-late ng pasok. "Bakit ka late? hindi mo ba alam na 20 minutes late ka na?". Ang sagot ng kaklase ko, "Kung kayo nga 15 minutes late lagi, ako nga ngayon lang na-late, bakit ako lamang ang kinagagalitan ninyo?". Next day, pasok yung guro ko on-time.

Ang pagkakasala ng isa nagiging pagkakasala na ng lahat. Kahit sa anong anggulo mo tignan.

Pero itatanong mo siguro kung paano ko magiging hindi kasalanan ang isang kasalanan ng tao? Magsimula ka sa iyong sarili. Huwag kang sumabay sa daloy. Pagkatapos, saka mo apektuhan ang mga pinakamalapit sa iyo. Kapag malakas ang dagok ng impluwensya mo sa kanila, susunod na yan. Kahit pakaunti-kaunti lamang. Small increments produce big changes, ika nga.

Muli itatanong ko sa mga minamahal kong mga lider, senador, kongresista, lider ng mga partido, at sa lahat: saan patutungo ang lahat? Gumagalaw ba tayong lahat sa anumang gusto nating marating? Kung nagiging hadlang na kayo sa paggalaw natin tungo sa anumang tutunguhin, huwag na kayong maging hadlang. please lang.

Hi Garci. I am Nicolo. Pwede bang maging phonepal?

ngarag and seeing double

2005-06-28T00:31:00.000+08:00

i lost two things today.

first is my ever reliable and trusty umbrella. my FAVORITE umbrella. i could not believe that it is finally gone. i left it in the umbrella rack near the library steps to let my umbrella dry. After two hours in the library, I could not find my umbrella anymore. Because it is rainy and I have to go to class, I was left with no choice but to run like crazy under the rain while mourning for my missing umbrella. Someone must have picked it up by mistake...or did not have an umbrella and decided to use mine. But why mine???!!!

I also lost my four year old eraser. This eraser was a Faber Castell eraser and i have purchased it when I was in 4th year high school. I love this eraser primarily because it was to long before I could consume the whole eraser and it is child-friendly...esp for people with big thumbs like me. I must have lost in the library also while transfering my notes from the yellow pad to my notebook.

i am really tired today but i still have a fraction of an energy left to write for my blog. I am planning to write my homework (due today at 6pm) around noonish. I was thinking about our marketing plan for the half of the day and operations management plan for the rest of the day. Nakakaloka.

I just received an email from a former student of mine J. She was one of the students that I have taught during summer. Discovering my plight with all my work, she advises me:

well,alam kong we need to study hard for us to become successful in our life especially to our carrers [sic]. but we should remember na there is always a time for study and a time for "Relaxing". kuya huwag kang masyadong magpaka-lunod s mga major subjects n kinukuha mo. alam ko po ang hirap n pinagdadaanan nyo khit hindi p me collage [sic], hehehe!. kc khit po dito s school sinasanay n kmi n maraming homeworks. but for me its ok. kc khit papaano na-babalance ko nman. i hope sana po k\[sic]ganoon din kyo....

Kahit ako minsan nakakalimutan ko na rin ang ibig sabihin ng relaxing. This is the third week of classes, and admittingly, I all stressed out. My only hope for a nice break will be on weekends (pero kahit weekends nagtatrabaho pa rin).

SIge na nga, back to work na uli. Or should I sleep? Or pwede ring sleep and work? Agh, bahala na nga si Darna!

UPDATE: Nakita ko na sa wakas yung aking eraser! nandun lang pala sa aming mesa sa Mateo Ricci Hall. Let's celebrate for my eraser who once lost has now been found (sounds familiar?).

pambabatikos

2005-06-24T15:09:00.000+08:00

ang blog entry na ito ay resulta ng isang nakayayamot na eksena kanina.

hindi ko na lang isusulat kung anong nangyari kanina. ito na lang ang masasabi ko sa iyo dahil alam kong nagbabasa ka ng blog ko.

Mag-ingat ka sa iyong pambabatikos. Napakadaling magsalita ng kung anu-anong paratang na animo'y pagkatapos lumabas ito sa iyong bibig wala ka nang responsibilidad. Napakadaling magbitaw ng salita na parang magnakaw ng kendi mula sa isang bata o magpalobo ng mga bulang sabon at hayaang ito ay basta lumipad sapagkat puputok lang naman ito. Alam kong bihasang-bihasa ka na sa pambabatikos, at kilala ka na ng madlang tao sa pagiging "mulat" mo. Magkagayon man, hindi lahat ng tao may pag-iisip na kagaya mo.

Pero mas mahirap ang bigyan ng substansya ang iyong pambabatikos. Mas lalong mahirap kung ang itinatakwil mo ang mga bagay na hindi mo naiintindihan. Guilty ako kung minsan dito, at aminado naman ako, kay naman unti-unti kong natututunan kung paano itikom ang aking bibig kapag hindi naiintindihan.Batikusin mo man ang gobyerno, batay saan? Saan nanggaling ang iyong impormasyon? Karapat-dapat bang tanggapin ang nakalap mong impormasyon? Batikusin mo man ang paaralan, batay saan? Saan nanggaling ang iyong impormasyon? Karapat-dapat bang tanggapin ang nakalap mong impormasyon? Batikusin mo man ang mga kaibigan mo, mga kamag-aral, mga kaaway, mga kapamilya, batay saan? Saan nanggaling ang iyong impormasyon? Karapat-dapat bang tanggapin ang nakalap mong impormasyon? Kung bakit ako paulit-ulit ay dahil sa IKAW MISMO ANG HINDI MARUNONG BUMATIKOS SA IYONG SARILI AT PAULIT-ULIT MO NA ITONG GINAGAWA SA AKIN AT SA IBANG TAO!!!

I am a person who has preferences, choices and constraints! I am a person who has priorities, who has problems, who has dreams! As an economist, I am maximizing my utility (at hindi ko na problema kung hindi mo maintindihan yan). But what are you trying to do? Nagbibitiw ng salita na sagad sa buto ang talim ukol sa akin, sa aking "kapritsuhan", sa aking mga pangarap! Masyado ba akong maarte? Masyado ba akong OA? Malapit-lapit na akong sumuko sa iyo, ngunit naniniwala akong may pag-asa ka pang magbago, kahit kaunti lang, kahit isang usog lang. Magtanong ka sa iba kung anong klaseng tao ka. I'm sure hindi lang sila nagsasalita ukol sa iyo dahil nahihiya yang mga yan. But this is not the first. This is the last straw.

Iginagalang ko ang iyong mga opinyon, kung ito nga ay naaayon, kung ito ay mapapatunayan, at kung ito ay lohikal. Sa mahabang panahon na ikaw ay nakilala, puro hangin lamang ang nakikita ko. Masyadong makapangyarihan ang mga salita kung hanggang ngayon ay hindi mo pa rin napapansin.

I pity for your loveless mornings, but i do not feel your mercy when it comes to criticisms. It's a pity to see you crumble for power.

*********

Ayan. At least nasabi ko na ang gusto kong sabihin. Ngayon, makakaaral na ako.

namimilosopong pilosopo

2005-06-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

kanina sa aming klase sa PH 101 (Philosophy of the Human Person I), may ehersisyo kami ukol sa Pakikinig, dahil kailangang buo ang iyong atensyon sa klase. Si Sir R nagbasa sa amin ng dalawang sanaysay. Ang kailangan naming gawin ay gumawa ng buod ukol sa sanaysay na aming narinig.

Ang unang sanaysay ay may pamagat na "The Modernism of the Works of Madonna". Wow. Ang ganda ng title. Ano kaya ang nilalaman?

Ito ang isinulat kong buod ukol sa unang sanaysay(at ito ay batay sa mga narinig ko):

Ang mga likha ni Madonna ay isang dialektikong pagbubuwag sa Marxism at anti-Freudian elemento ng lingwahe kung kaya't umusbong ang erotika. Si Foucault ang nagbigay ng neoclassisist movement na nag-ugnay sa mga modernong ideya na nilikha ni Sartre ukol sa "destruction of language". Dahil dito lumalabas ang katotohanang inihambing ni Foucault at ni Marx na tagapamagitan sa dialektiko at diskurso na naghahambing sa pagka-oo ng tao.

Hindi mo naintindihan? Kahit ako hindi ko naintindihan.

Ang susunod na sanaysay ay may pamagat na "Pangungulisap". Ito ang aking buod:

Ang pamimilosopiya ay parang pangungulisap kung saan may dinaraanan kang sistematikong proseso, kahit mahirap at kahit nakakapagod. Binabalaan tayo sa ating mga unang hakbang: huwag magpasilaw sa liwanag ng mga kulisap kung ayaw mong mawala sa kanilang kaliwanagan. Manatiling nakaugat sa kadiliman kahit naghahanap ng liwanag. Magpaka-kulisap at mag-isip bilang isang kulisap para matanto kung paano dumadaloy ang utak ng isang kulisap para ito ay mahuli. At kung mahuli man, kahit sa isang kulisap laman, sulit ang bawat butil ng iyong pawis. Hindi madaling mamilosopiya kung kaya't nangangailangan kang magtanong, manabik at higit sa lahat, magpakakumbaba. May alam tayo, ngunit hindi natin alam ang lahat.

Ang ganda di ba? Daig pa yung unang sanaysay ko!

Nang makolekta na yung mga papel namin ni Sir R, sabi niya sa amin, "May nakalimutan akong basahin na pangungusap mula sa unang sanaysay." At binasa niya ito:

"This essay is a meaningless piece of crap generated by a postmodernist generator found in the internet."

Wow. Ang ganda mo.

MORAL LESSON: Umamin kung hindi alam ang pinaghahanap, dahil walang patutunguhan kung naghahanap lang, o nagpipilit na maghanap ng wala (credits to the rephrasing of Mr. Vicente Lo).

40 hours and counting...backwards

2005-06-17T17:56:00.000+08:00

yay! tomorrow na ang official start ng aking scholarly work!!!

i will be working tomorrow sa Development Studies Department as a tape transcriber. O di ba! Kaso nga lang, 10 tapes daw yun tapos mabagal pa akong mag-type sa keyboard and all. Pero i think kaya naman, i hope.

and i have to work for two and a half weeks nonstop.

my MWF class sked starts at 830 in the morning and ends at 1230 nn. Hence, I am expected to report at the office by 1:00pm. The office closes at 6:00 pm. In addition to that, I am also required to work every Saturday from 8 am to 12nn. If my calculations are correct, I have 19 hours per week. Afterwhich I can breathe easily.

So bakit nga ba I have to work 40 hours for this semester?

As part of my obligation as a certified scholar, I am required to work for 10 hours every semester.

Kwento muna:

During the latter part of my second semester as a sophomore, I wrote a letter of intent and permission to the Office of Admission and Aid about my desire of pursuing a minoring degree in Development Management. I included all the reasons and my own qualifications. I waited for the reply of the OAA and by summer, they have responded through permitting me to take the summer. I was given 6 units last summer and I spent it all through the two Dev Man seminars: Alternative Disputes and Development Finance. And I thought everything was over.

It turned out to be a deal with strings attached.

As I spent my last two weeks in summer school studying, I received a text message from the assistant of the director of OAA. It included big letters of URGENT. The next day I rushed to the Ateneo to talk to the assistant. She reviewed my letters of intent and permission and talked me about the situation.

I found out that no scholar is allowed to take a minoring degree or a double degree or to take a subject (overload) that will be funded by the OAA. All additional subjects should be answered by the scholar if he or she intends to take such subjects.

And so I appealed. I showed to the assistant director my previous grades, my standing in the current classes I was taking. I almost presented in front of her my life.

She thought since it was already late to withdraw from the subjects that I wanted, she told me to continue my studies. However, since this was really illegal on their and on my part, I was penalized by requiring me to work for 40 hours to any ADMU LS office that I desire.

My own thoughts on this: I feel miserable sometimes for being a scholar. Dahil lang sa pera kaya kadalasan mas mababa ang pagtingin ng karamihan sa amin. Dahil lang din sa pera kaya hindi namin makuha ang mga gusto namin apart from sa mga pangangailangan namin. I have a lot of friends who are filthy rich, who own cars and drive to school, spend their allowances on sassy restaurants, who have dangling jewelry from their necks. Minsan naiingit ako not for what they have but for what their statuses are. Samantalang ako hanggang jeep lang, hanggang cafeteria lang (kung minsan nga wala pa e), at hanggang Ateneo ID lang.

Tapos kapag nakikita mo yung mga kaklase mong maraming panggastos pero hindi nag-aaral o kaya mahilig mag-cut, parang ang sarap nilang sermonan at sapatusin.

to be continued yung next batch of reflections on this. sinusundo na ako. :)

the bitter freshie

2005-06-15T17:29:00.000+08:00

wow. i just read an email about the controversal freshman (or should i say freshwoman) of the ADMU who just ranted THE ateneo in her blog. the email is in continuous circulation and has made the eyebrows of many Ateneans twitch either in fury or in great desire to slit her throat.

i won't go into the details of extrapolating the blog entry turned into email. i felt that by reading it something was not right, way beyond what the eye could read.

yes, the email was an excerpt from the blog of the bitter freshie. But in the first place, what right do we even have to invade the "privacy" of her blog? Sure, the internet is a public thing, but i still believe that a blog whether in the form of livejournal, tabulas or blogspot still needs demands privacy. Only some people are invited to read the online journals of other people, and it was not definitely written for public pleasure (or satisfaction even).

A blog entry is not written because of what the readers want to read but it is all about the writer's thoughts, feelings, moods, epiphanies, reflections, meditations, whatsover. No matter how awful the entry may be. No matter how nasty or feisty it may reveal.

I believe that those some of those who are close to the freshie (friends, classmates, blockmates, etc.) were the ones responsible for forwarding the message to their network of friends (ala Friendster).

To them I ask: What kind of a friend/classmate/blockmate/etc are you? You were given trust by the person!

To the Ateneans out there: What will you do now that someone reacted viciously about the school where the blue and white rules?

Wiretapped na rin pala ngayon ang mga blogs!!! Bloggers, Beware!

on the first day of classes....

2005-06-14T18:18:00.000+08:00

first day of classes. wow. hindi ko alam kung maeexcite ako o hindi... pero kanina i was really really overwhelemed with what I had experienced.

i went to the ateneo at around 11 am taking the barangka-marikina stairs because my dad texted me not to take the katipunan road. buti na lang i am a good child.

knowing that my first class is at 3pm, i decided to work muna for my service hours. grabe, i have 40 hours to work for...don't ask why. basta.

i ended up working for the alumni affairs office, folding letters and placing them inside envelopes. and for two hours, i am so lucky not to have a paper cut (isa sa mga fears ko yun!).

theo 131 was my first class at 3pm. the prof was annoyingly quiet for 5 minutes...hindi ko alam kung narinig ba niya ang bell o hindi. but anyways, since first day of school, i let it pass.

next class is at 4:30, DS 130, development management. pagkaupo ko sa class, i waited 3 minutes for the teacher to arrive and the moment he arrived, he asked us to form a circle. wow, parang seminar. tapos sabi nya, "OK, get your notebooks. Today we start our class with a lecture, in this case, a case study." HUWAAAAAAT?! Wait lang! So nagmamadali naman akong kumuha ng mga scratch paper (because i have plans of transferring it to a neater notebook). On the first day of classes, sa kanya palang, we already had our first graded recitation.

last class is at 6:00 pm, POM 104-operations management. nagkagulo kasi naglipatan ng mga students dahil hindi daw pwede mag-mix ang MECO sa LM and vice versa. haha. we got to keep the big airconditioned classroom! pero sobrang gutom na ako dahil in the span of 2.5 hours, there are no breaks in between! once you get out, then you ARE out!

hence my class ended up at 8:30pm. feeling ko tuloy may ulcer na ako.

hey, is that my gastric juices seeping down from my bellybutton?

bumabalik na naman si rugby...

2005-06-09T21:17:00.000+08:00

wow. june na pala. matagal-tagal na rin pala ako hindi nag-uupdate ng blog. masakit kasi ang katawan for the past few decades, including today. katatapos lang ng org tours kaya eto ako, walang boses (halos).

andaming prospects sa freshmen ngayon. no kidding. i just wish may thunderbolt mula sa langit na mahuhulog sa mga Atenista at bubukas ang langit para sabihing "sumali kayo ng ACIL!". tignan natin kung dadagsain pa ang ibang orgs.

hindi ako nag-ice tea. at lalong hindi ako nakainom ng kape.

umulan na naman pala kanina. nahirapan akong umalis ng bahay dahil medyo baha sa amin. nakita ko kasi na lumulutang na naman yung mga plastic pots namin, mga dahon, cand wrappers, pati mga unidentified floating objects (UFOs) na i think it's too horrible to describe. grabe, barado pa rin ang mga kanal sa amin. sana kasi may malaking liquid sosa para tunawin ang lahat ng bara sa metro manila. may malaking plunger sana para makuha ang mga nagpapabara sa ating mga kanal...sana may malaking toilet para ma-flush ang lahat ng ito. isasama ko na diyan yung mga gusto kong i-flush: yung homework, si *toot*, si *toot* at si *toot*, yung mga limpak-limpak ang kinikita sa jueteng, yung mga lecheng kurakot sa ating gobyerno, pati yung "fungus faced president who was the heel of EDSA" --- quoted from Miriam. *flush*

pagod na ang utak ko kakaisip. no kidding.

sabi ng nanay ko, ang ideal vacation sana namin ngayong summer ay makapunta sa isang liblib na lugar malayo sa sibilisasyon para maramdaman ko ang masarap na simoy ng hangin, ang payapang kapaligiran, ang mga huni ng mga ibon, ang simoy ng bagong ani, at ang kagandahan ng kabukiran. oo nga ano, hindi ko na yan naramdaman simulang tumira kami sa metro manila. kahit dito sa antipolo, hindi ko na rin maramdaman yan. paano, paggising mo sa umaga ang unang babati sa iyo ay hindi tilaok ng mga manok kung hindi tilaok ng bibig ng kapitbahay naming kinabitan ng amplifier ang bibig. Sunud-sunod na yan. Wala kaming tubig, kaya umaasa kami sa igib sa deep well. Pero kahit deep well namin ayaw sa amin dahil imbis na masustansyang tubig ang dala, masustansyang tetano with matching iron bits. Gusto ko rin marinig ang huni ng mga ibon at hindi yung lintik na car alarm ng kapitbahay namin na panira ng umaga. Gusto ko rin maramdaman ang sariwang simoy ng hangin at hindi yung ammonia na tinatambak lang ng pabrika ng sopdrinks malapit sa amin. Gusto ko naman din makaranas ng buhay sa bukid at hindi buhay ng mga taong-bukid (ie, sigawan na akala mo walang mga kapitbahay, murahan na parang mga taong bundok, at nagwawala parang mga takas sa mental).

a friend of mine just texted me kung sino ang ok na prof sa microeconomics. ang sabi ko sa kanya ay si fr. bobby yap. hehe. magaling talaga siya, with all honesty. siya ang dacanay ng eco dept, pero in a good way. :)

back to me. focus on me.

parang mas nagugustuhan ko ang kampanerang kuba kaysa sa encantadia. wow nicolo, lumabas na naman ang pagkabaduy mo. seriously. nakita ko kasi yung original 1970s classic ni vilma santos at ni edgar mortis. ano kaya ang hitsura ng magiging anak ni vilma santos at ni edgar kung sakaling naging sila nga at hindi si ralph recto? kampanerang kubo?

wala na naman ako magawa. tunganga.

masakit ang ulo ko kanina dahil sa makailang uli ko pinatunog ang "It's a Beautiful Day". Memoryado ko na yung first few lines nya dahil dun. Nung umpisa, enjoy pang pakinggan ang kanta kasi excited ka pa, pero nang lumaon, gusto mo na sirain yung CD. Hindi na siya beautiful day. *kulog at kidlat*

pagdating ko sa bahay kanina, nakatulog kaagad ako. ang sarap ng panaginip ko. napanaginipan ko yung dalawa sa mga kaklase kong nerd (oo na, aminado na ako ay nerd --- seminerd lang ---din pero hindi ako kasama sa panaginip). tapos naging sila na. tapos sa harap ko naghahalikan sila...parang dalawang plunger na pinagdikit tapos ayaw matanggal. tapos all of a sudden, dumating ang isa pang kaklase kong nerd at nakita silang naghahalikan. naki-join sa halikan ang bagong dating na nerd. paggising ko, pinagpapawisan ako kahit napakalamig ng panahon. is this a a sign?

hi nicolo. i am a strangler. i am going to strangle you.

wag po! wag po! i'm still a virgin!

virgin ha? etong sa iyo! *sabay buhos ng virgin coconut oil*

ahhhh! nalulusaw akoooooh!!!!

*splat*

at yan ang alamat ng kampanerang kuba.

bakasyon na...

2005-06-01T13:28:00.000+08:00

...late na post ito. as in sobrang late.

for any normal and average Atenean, summer vacation started two months ago. I, on the other hand, started my vacation last Saturday afternoon only.

pero it is worth the wait.

today, I received my report card. I saw asterisks beside the two subjects I took up during the summer, which I figured out that my profs didn't reach the deadline in submitting the grades. So I went to the Development Studies Department to get my marks. Ate Mel, the DS secretary, crossed the asterisks and replaced them with letters. So, my report card looks like this:

DS 135.10 - Special Topics in Development Management: Alternative Disputes Resolutions Process .............. A ........ 3 (units)

DS 135.3 - Special Topics in Development Management: Development Finance ........ A ...... 3 (units)

QPI: 4

Wow. Summer has just gotten better and better. :)

this is the moment...

2005-05-24T22:19:00.000+08:00

finally, after two beleaguering yet fulfilling weeks, after countless hours spending almost half of our summer days in PARFUND, after wheezing and sneezing from the numerous books full of dirt and dust, and after the episodes of faxing and contacting everyone we know, we are finally proud to say that out of the 100,000 peso-quota, we have managed to get

P135, 500.60!!!

This is a combination of books, school supplies, and of course, in cash (and checks). For now, I can breathe easily, but tomorrow, I have to work again to finish our defense presentation on this fundraising event.

My endless gratitude to all those who have donated books, cash, time and to those who have spread the word to the other yahoogroups or egroups. My endless thanks to those who have prayed for the success of this diversified fund raising event. Your reward is beyond this earthly kingdom.

Sana lapis at bolpen na lang ang hawak nila.

only a few days and a few pesos to earn....

2005-05-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

this is the moment.

in DS 135.3 class we were tasked to find 100 thousand pesos (in cash or in kind) to be given to the NGO of our choice (in this case, we chose PARFUND). In the course of working for over two weeks already and accounting our books, i was astonished that we only need

P18,600 pesos!!!

this is because of the huge turnout of donations from old/new books and some cash. Thank you very much for every single donation that you have given us, as simple as SPREADING THE WORD ABOUT THE CAUSE WE ARE FIGHTING FOR (by word of mouth, through mail, email, text message, etc.). We have only a few days to reach our quota (as a requirement in order to pass) and we believe that through your arduous support, we can make it through, and the kids of Negros can also make it through. :D

I love this summer, all cramped and fulfilled.

serious daw?

2005-05-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

kanina, while i was walking through the path from JGSOM to the overpass, i passed by a friend who was fooling around with a soccer ball. Ako, ang outfit ko as a nerdish geek ewan with my binder full of readings and bag full of books, waved at my friend and complimented him that he was having fun (compliment ba yun?). Tapos he nodded and smiled at me then said, "Come. Join me."

Ako naman, being very nerdy nga and all (wag nyo na ipagdikdikan, nerd talaga ako), rejected the offer and told him that i have to meet some people sa mcdonalds in 15 minutes. "Sige, goodbye na. Hope you have fun," sabi ko.

Hindi pa ako nakakalayo sa kanya nanag bigla siyang sumigaw, "Nicolo, you need to have fun! Masyado kang seryoso!"

I stopped. Turned around. Surprised.

"I am having fun...doing my work!"

"Yeah right. You need to have FUN."

parang may special emphasis on fun. So as I bid my farewells to him, I had the chance to reflect on the word FUN, kahit sobrang ikling reflection lang habang naglalakad papuntang Mcdo.

Masyado nga ba akong seryoso? Come to think of it, I am. The countless days that I spend my time on work as to the handful minutes I spend on what I really want to do. Since I entered college, I haven't slept the full 8 hour dosage recommended by already two doctors. Recently, I got the summer sickness which made me bedridden for 3 days. I tried to finish my paper while I was having a thermometer under my armpit. I tried reading the assigned readings while I was drinking Tempra, parang juice ko na nga yun e. In sum, I could not bear wasting my time. A friend of mine boldly told me that I was a workaholic. With full conviction, I denied all allegations, true it may be.

I remembered when I was in my high school days. Work is something sacred for me, where every semester I make sure that my attendance is perfect, I get the highest marks, and be proud to show off my work. Even when I am asleep, I dream of my work, planning ahead what to accomplish the following day, planning what to say and to think. My best friend was my planner. My second best friend are Post-it notes.

And now in college, I am still working. But it was the first time that I have ever been told that I lack FUN. It bothers me a lot.

Last week, I was weeping over an unfinished work because a colleague "lambasted" me through text messages that pressured me to do my responsibility. I tried to explain that this was a forbidden month, especially for summer students who have to finish their final requirements. I, on the other hand, was not even one half of the whole task.

Two weeks ago I had to talk to a friend about the quota I was required to raise for my practicum. When I realized that my quota was just one tenth of her quota, I had to fold up like a cheap umbrella.

A month ago, I bargained with a teacher about the amount of workload he is giving to the class. He said I was to early to negotiate things. Last Saturday, when I again tried to negotiate the workload and the possibility of me turning over a lousy report, I was told that I was too late to negotiate.

So much for fun.

Yeah, I guess I do lack FUN, in a normal teenager's definition. I don't go to malls without a specific purpose, go to the movies if the artists are worth watching, eat outside if there is a more economical and convenient way to spend my money, or play video games if I do not know how to play it or if I know that the probability of me winning will be very low.

Is it time for me try some of this what you humans call FUN?

Is aerobics considered fun? How about listening to classical music? Badminton? Volleyball? Surfing? Blogging? Reading books? Collecting comic books? Writing poetry? Laughing out loud? Sharing the latest gossip? Watching sitcoms? Teaching kids? Donating old books for children? Smiling?

Hey, I am getting the hang of it!

38 degrees and rising....

2005-05-13T16:49:00.000+08:00

wag sanang kumulo ang rugby paglagpas na ng 38 degrees.

ang sakit na talaga ng ulo. ang daming work, ang daming problema, ang daming kaibigan, ang daming kaaway, ang daming anak na pinapakain. Kung pupuwede nga lang akong magtransform to Darna noon ko pa ginawa yun.

Ang ganda ni Darna and like everyone else (except kung avid fan ka talaga ni Miss Big Lips), I hate Valentina. Pangit ng costume nya. Kanino ba kasi siya nagpadesign, e kung ako lang ang design nun, magiging lifelike ang kanyang costume....lifelike dahil totoong ahas ang ilalagay ko sa kanya. Tignan lang natin kung hindi ka pa nyan matuklaw.

Noong isang araw habang tulog ako, sumisigaw yung nanay ko. So ako naman like a very panicky child, bumaba kaagad para tignan kung ano ang nangyari. Yun pala may ahas na nakapasok sa bahay. Estimated 2 feet ang ahas, pwede ko nang gawing bag at boots yun. Ginawa ng nanay ko tinawag nya yung trabahador sa aming shop tapos pinasagasaan sa trak. Cruel death ika nga.

The day after masagasaan yung ahas, binenta na namin yung trak. Para naman daw maalis na rin yung malas. Kasi may dugo daw yung mga gulong, at sa ahas pa yun, kaya buti na lang may bumili ng trak. Ang saya-saya.

inaantok na ako talaga. Ngayon lang muli ako nagkaroon ng time, pawis at dugo para makapagblog. Masaya magblog. Akala mo lang na parang isang malaking kaewanan ang blog pero sa totoo lang, masaya talaga siya.

Muntikan na naman akong madapa. Well hello, hindi ko kasalanan kung bakit ang pangit ng pavement malapit sa EAPI! Besides maingat naman ako kanina...habang tinitignan ko kung sino yung mga nagtext sa akin.

Pahamak rin ang cellphone. Sabi kasi sa class namin sa Sci10, "the cellphone emits radiation that are harmful and dangerous to our internal tissues". Sabi kasi sa Eco102, "the cellphone industry has launched substantitve measures that do not contribute to the increase of our national income". Sabi sa Th 121, "the cellphone further widens the gap between the rich and poor, creating a greater quantity of marginalized beings". Sabi ng holdaper, "akin na ang cellphone mo kung hindi papatayin kita".

Wala na akong load. Wala na rin akong battery. Kaya nga hindi ako makatext sa mga amiga ko. Kaya nga hindi ako makareceive ng mga latest issues regarding Kris, Hero at Sandara. Kaya nga hindi pa ako nasusundo at magdamag lang na umaasang sana ay sunduin na ako.

Tataas na naman kasi ang pamasahe sa jeep kaya nga hindi ako makacommute. Magkano lang naman ang allowance ko, tapos 30% nun kinakain na kaagad ng mga jeep at tricycle drivers. Kawawa naman kaming mga estudyante. Dapat kasi noon pa prinopromote ang paggamit ng bicycle. Kailangan kasing may sariling lane ang mga bike drivers. Maganda rin kung irevolutionize natin ang mga bike, tulad ng ginagawa ng mga car manufacturers sa kanilang mga kotse. Export quality naman ang mga bike natin, at yun ang magandang ipromote ni Madame President.

So sabi sa akin ng aking mga magulang, magLRT na lang daw ako. well, by next week, magtataas na rin ang singil sa LRT. ang ganda nyo. sampung piso daw ang itataas. Ang rason nila ay para mabawi daw ng mga foreigners yung pera na ipinambayad sa LRT.

nababaliw na ako.

May gusto akong bilhin na libro sa National pero worth 800 pesos siya. So ibig sabihin, kailangang magbaon ako araw-araw at kailangang magtipid ako nang husto para makapag-ipon at para mabili yung librong iyon in a week's time. Kahit na ang ibig sabihin nito ay mangayayat ako, ok lang. Kahit na ang ibig sabihin nito ay magkaroon ako ng ulcer. Kahit na mamawis ang legs ko kalalalakad, tatanggapin ko. Gagawin ko ang lahat para lang makuha ko yung libro.

Pero sabi sa akin sa National, last stock na daw iyon.

Ginawa ko, tinago ko yung libro sa isang section na sa tingin kong hindi madalas puntahan ng mga comic book enthusiasts. Secret lang natin ito ha. Wag nyo akong isumbong sa National.

Nicolo, shaddap na.

Hindi pa rin nagtetext yung tatay ko. Ayokong magcommute, at mas lalong ayaw kong maglakad. Ayaw ko rin na gabihin dahil may kailangan pa akong tapusin na paper. Ayaw kong mamiss ang 24 Oras, Extra Challenge, Darna at Encantadia. Si Kampanerang Kuba ayaw ko rin mamiss. Ayaw kong matulog sa school. Papa, asan ka na?!

Anak, dapat kasi marunong ka na magdrive. Marunong naman akong magdrive pero kasi hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin maalis yung trauma noong nabangga ko yung kotse...ni attorney. Worse moment ko yun. Feel ko tuloy hindi ako safe sa kotse.

Excuse me, hindi ko naman din kasalanan na nageexpire pala ang student's license!

Muntikan na akong maipakulong ni attorney. Syempre, yung mga tao sa kalsada na mukhang nakakita ng artista. Andun sila lahat sa amin. Ipakukulong daw ako ni attorney, sigaw niya. Nanlalambot ako sa hiya at takot at halu-halong kaba, at halos maihi ako sa pantalon ko dahil sa kanya. Muntikang mahimatay ako at mandilim ang paningin.

Pero OK lang, sabi ko sa sarili ko kahit minumura na niya ako. Pero kasi nung sinabi niya na "mas mahal ko ang kotseng iyan kaysa sa asawa ko", nagtawanan ang mga usisero. E nagkataon na andoon ang misis nya. So ginawa ni misis attorney, sinampal niya yung asawa. Tapos nagdadakdak. Tapos nagsisigaw sa kalsada. Tapos pumasok si misis attorney na luhaan. OK na sana kung hindi lang bumalik sa akin yung galit ni attorney. Pati yung kasal nila ako rin ang sinisi.

Nicolo shaddap na nga!

O tara, sapakan na lang.

asking for help from YOU

2005-05-11T21:52:00.000+08:00

BACK TO SCHOOL NA!!!
(Tayo, ready na! Pero paano naman yung iba?)

Hence, we, the students of DS 135.3 (Development Finance),
are commited to seek for your help in making the lives of the
farmers’ children and the children of farm workers of Negros Occidental
more meaningful in this season of
soaring tuition fees, school supplies and textbooks.
This can be achieved through your donations of
old and/or new textbooks, school supplies (pencils, pad paper, notebooks, etc.), old or/and new bags (useable and in good condition), or anything related for school use.

The grade school children of over 83 public schools of Negros who will benefit from your donations will finally have the convenience of having school materials that were once inaccessible.

If you have any donations (cash or in kind), please feel free to give us a call at

Philippine Agrarian Reform Foundation
for National Development Inc. (PARFUND) at 4265658,
or drop your donations at
Room 202, CCS Building
Ateneo de Manila University
Loyola Heights, Quezon City

or text us in these following numbers:
09194709780 (look for Nicolo)
09167818381 (look for Mavic)
09177520555 (look for Lindsay)
09173818320 (look for Alexia)
09192770080 (look for Allison)

When you give to PARFUND,
You give to change, not charity

Journal Entries

2005-05-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

I posed this journal entry question to my students in Tulong Dunong Summer Program (Literature 3):

"Paano nagiging isang pagsusulit ang buhay? Sino ang nagsusulit at sino ang nagbibigay ng pagsusulit?"

I was delighted by the turn out of the responses, but was even amazed by how my students thought of answering the question. One of my students wrote his answer:

"Ang buhay ay parang isang SURPRISE QUIZ, kung saan hindi mo na lamang alam na ikaw ay kumukuha na pala ng pagsusulit. Minsan ikaw ay bumabagsak, ngunit minsan ikaw ay pumapasa, ngunit hindi ibig sabihin nito na hihinto ka na lamang sa pagkuha ng pagsusulit."

I am impressed. Even I had to stop checking their journals in order to reflect on my own question.

*silence*

*spark of the moment*

*continue checking journals*

*close journals*

*smile*

*****

Fr. Prudencio Macayan SJ died last Sunday, May 08. He was a Jesuit priest and mathematics teacher of the Ateneo de Manila High School since 1960s up to 2003. His remains lie at the Ateneo de Manila High School Chapel. There will be a Mass every 8pm until Wednesday evening. Last rites will be at the Church of Gesu on Thursday, May 12, and will be interred at the Sacred Heart Novitiate. If you have time, please do visit him. Readers are requested to pray for the eternal repose of his soul.

In pace requiescat!

Ang Kasal Ko kay Rugby

2005-05-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

May isang oras pa ang hinihintay ko bago ako pumunta sa meeting namin sa council. Pagod na ako, at sa wakas, natapos ko na rin yung dapat kong gawin:
1. Mag-aral. (Tsek)
2. Magsubmit ng mga proposals. (Tsek)
3. Maghugas ng pinggan. (Tsek)
4. Magpakain ng biik. (Tsek)
5. Mag-alaga ng bata. (Tsek)

Gusto ko na magkaroon ng baby. Ang kyut-kyut kasi nila. Para silang mga small humans na ang sarap-sarap pisain sa mga kamay mo. Ang sarap nilang titigan kapag tulog sila pero ang sarap silang ihagis sa bangin kapag nagising at umiiyak. Kaya nga pinatulog ko na lang yung baby...habambuhay.

Kyut naman ako nung baby ako e. Mestiso ang hitsura ko nun, pero kasi sabi ng nanay ko ipinaglihi niya ako sa taho....yung arnibal lang. Nabasa ko rin pala yung story ni Katie Holmes sa dyaryo kahapon. nung bata pala siya, wish na nyang makasal kay Tom Cruise. Ngayong may varicose veins na siya, natuloy yung wish nya. Ako din...winish ko na makasal ni Julia Roberts. Ibig sabihin nun, may pag-asa pa ako. ipasasagasa ko muna yung asawa niya para kami naman.

Ayoko na pumunta sa pool. Alam kong mainit pero ayaw ko na talaga. May nakita kasi akong batang lumalangoy sa pool kasama yung ibang mga tao sa pool. Tapos bigla siyang umahon. Tapos bigla siyang tumayo sa tabi ng pool. Tapos ibinaba ang kanyang swimming trunks. Tapos itinurok niya ang kanyang pututuy sa pool. Guess what happened next.

Ah kaya pala umiinit ang pool...kasi mainit din ang wiwi.

may isang dosenang readings akong pinaxerox kanina. Antsarap ng amoy ng bagong xerox. Kaadict. Uy, may potensyal na pamalit sa shabu! Kahit na gumasta ako araw-araw sa xerox OK lang! Lalo na sa liquid na xerox...tsalap!

Sabi ng tatay ko isang araw, against the law daw yung pagpapaxerox ng mga libro. Lalo na yung kadalasang ginagawa ko na ixerox ang buong libro tapos magkaroon ng personal copy. Bakit ako ang sinisisi niya, dapat ang sisihin nya yung iskwelahan namin. Mahilig kasing magpaxerox ang school namin. Nagtuturo ang Ateneo kung paano mag-alaga ng mga puno pero para malaman mo kung paano mag-alaga ng puno, ito ang sandamakmak na readings. Basahin mo, tapos saka ka maawa sa mga puno.

Namiss ko na yung pag-akyat sa aratiles. Sarap-sarap ng bunga kasi nito. Tinigil ko na ang pag-akyat sa puno nung hindi na ako pinababa ng nanay ko mula sa puno ng aratiles maghapon.

nicolo, maganda ka.

pero mas maganda si sandara park.

sa tuwing nakikita ko yung mukha niya naalala ko tuloy yung commercial ng rejoice habang kumakanta siya. Tapos kumakain siya ng noodles. Sige Sandara, lunun lang sa noodles. Higop pa, sige lang. Lasapin ang humahagod na MSG sa iyong lalamunan. Siguraduhin mo lang na simut yang noodles ha? Mabilaukan ka sana.

Nasarapan ka ba? Sabi ng kaklase ko habang kumakain ako ng muffins na nakakapagpataba daw yung kinakain ko. Kumain na lang daw ako ng organic vegetables para pumayat kagad ako. Muffins o damo? Neknek mo.

May 30 minutes pa bago ang meeting.

Astig yung 24 Oras ni Mel Tiangco at Mike Enriquez. Naiintriga kasi ako kay Mike Enriquez tuwing iniintroduce niya si Pia Guanio para sa kanyang Chikka Minute. bakit hindi niya ginagawa kay Mel yun?

**: AT ito na ang aking napakaseksi at napakabangong partner na bagong ligo, bagong ahit, at bagong banat lang ng mukha thanks to Dr Vicky Belo na si Mel, na siya namang bagong partner ko din....

&&: Salamat Mike.

May joke sa radyo nung isang araw. Anong Church song ang kinakanta tuwing.....
* bagong kasal: Papuri Sa Diyos
* 5 year anniversary: Panginoon, Maawa Ka
* 10 year anniversary: Kunin Mo o Diyos....
*25 Year Anniversary: Hindi Kita Malilimutan

May kadiring handkerchief sa harapan ng computer na pinagtatypan ko ngayon. Nananawagan po ako kung sino man ang ina o ama nitong nawawalang panyo, kulay blue siya na kaunting alikabok at puro natuyong sipon, ipagbigay alam lamang po sa DSWD.

nicolo maganda ka. pwede ba kitang ligawan? ibibigay ko sa iyo ang langit at lupa pati impyerno para lang sa iyo. Lahat ng mga bituin at buwan pati yung mga araw ibibigay ko sa iyo. Ikakasal kita sa lahat ng simbahan, marinig ko lang ang matamis mong oo....

Sige na nga.

Epekto ng Pagsinghot sa Rugby

2005-05-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

lumalalaki na daw ang bilbil ko sabi ng nanay ko. pinipilit nya ako kumuha ng registration form sa moro lorenzo gym sa ateneo pero sabi ko ayaw ko. hindi na nga ako halos kumakain ng matamis at mga matataba pero parang lumulobo raw ako. balloon. mamon. spongecake. angelcake. black forest. blueberry cheesecake. carrotcake. siopao. Judy Ann.

kasalanan ito ng kama ko e. Kung bakit naman kasi sa lahat ng lugar sa buong bahay ang kwarto ko pa ang pinakapaborito ko. Actually, hindi pa nga kwarto ang pinakapaboritong lugar kung hindi yung lugar kung nasaan ang kama ko e. Itatali na lang daw nila ako sa kama, parang si Gulliver...tapos kakainin ko yung mga taga-Lilliput na nagtali sa akin.

tumataba ako, at hindi ko na kailangan yang Bangkok pills na yan o yung mga tabletas na pampadumi kada oras. Kada oras, ebak. Kada minuto, ebak. Matindi pa sa nanganganak. Ako ang ina ng mga mikrobyong sanhi ng the Black Plague at ng the Ten Plagues. proud ako sa mga anak ko, mga kitikiting nasa tiyan ko na namamahay at sa kinalauna'y pakakawalan ko na rin. Wag nyo sisihin ang China para sa SARS dahil ako rin ang may kasalanan nun. Sa kanila ko lang binaling ang sisi kasi galit ako noon sa mga may perang panggastos sa Hong Kong. Kaya nga isang araw, ginawa kong tissue paper ang pera at iyon ang naging pambayad ko sa suka sa tindahan na ginamit ng ale sa pambili nya ng marami pang suka na ginawa namang pamabayad ng store manager sa pagbili ng maraming suka mula sa pabrika na mainstay noon sa Hong Kong. The rest, as they say, is history.

Hong Kong. gusto kong pumunta sa Hong Kong. Kahit sa Hong Kong lang. Sabi ng mga kamag-anak naming matapobre at nakapunta na sa Hong Kong, parang Divisoria daw. Pero Divisoria na may class. Doon daw pwede kang tumawad nang tumawad (pinatatawad na kita, iha...) hangga't sa gusto mo, hangga't masabihan ka na ang barat mo. Maraming mabibili raw sa Hong Kong tulad ng DVD, VHS, VCD, karaoke, videoke, alahas, kwintas, hikaw, engagement ring, wedding ring, nose ring, foot ring, pinky ring. Bakit walang annulment ring at divorce ring?

May na ngayon. Inaabangan ko ang summer solstice kung saan sinasabi nila na sa panahon ito marami ang nababaliw at nagiging hayok sa laman at makamundong aliw (lundagin mo, bebe!). Kung ganun hindi pala seasonal itong summer solstice dahil all year round ko nakikita ang mga baliw na hayok sa laman at makamundong aliw (lundagin mo, bebe!): girl and boy, boy and girl, boy and boy, girl and girl, boy and dog, dog and boy, boy and carabao, boy and goat, girl and horse, horse and horse, rabbit and girl and horse.... Anak ng tokwa, ang animal nyo naman! Maghunos dili kayo! (centaur at si Bugs Bunny sa iisang katawan...?)

Gusto ko manood ng movie. Pero walang magandang movie. tv na lang.

Kakaiba ang mga palabas sa tv ngayon. Lalo na sa primetime. This is the year of fantaseryes. pati yung mga lumang komiks at pelikula ginagawa na ring pang-tv. Ayaw kong Darna si Angel Locsin kasi hindi nya ako naconvince sa portrayal nyang si Darna. Mas gusto ko pa rin si Vilma (Ate Vi, lipad na! Wait...oh my...Lola na si Darna!). Pwede rin si Anjanette, yan ang Darna talaga...may sense of action, pero Anjanette, mahiwagang bato ang nilulunok ni Darna at hindi shabu.

Paano kung si Ding ang nakalunok ng bato ni Darna? (Narda, ang bato! Dingga!) Fafooom! At naging isang seksing lalaki si Ding. Pag nasa kostyum na si Ding, pwede na siyang pumalit sa babaeng may dyspepsia sa commercial.

Pagkatapos daw ng Hiram, papalitan na daw ito ng "Ang Kampanerang Kuba" starring Anne Curtis as the Kampanerang Kuba. Another Vilmanian classical movie turned tv series. Dapat gawin na ring TV series yung mga movies like "Prinsipe Amante", "Florante at Laura", "Ang Ibong Adarna", "Lam-ang", "Aliguyon", "Anak ni Baby Ama", "Nardong Putik", "Anak ni Nardong Putik", "Lola ni Nardong Putik" at "Apo sa Talampakan ni Nardong Putik".

Styling gel. Kabibili ko lang ng styling gel noong isang linggo at hindi ako makapaniwalang paubos na ito. Bakit ba kasi may gel? Kailangan bang patigasin ang buhok ng mga lalaki habang yung mga babae naman ay gumagastos ng limpak-limpak para lang mapaunat nang maayos ang mga buhok nila at magpa-rebond. Gagastos sila nang pagkamahal-mahal para lang sabihin sa kanilang mga iniirog na "kinamay" lang. Halika rito at kakamayin ko nga...para masabunutan kita gamit ang kamay ko.

Titigil na nga ako.

Umuulan ng snow ang ulo ko. Ang tawag dito ay balakubak. In just three washes, your hair will be free from balakubak. Pwe. Ilublub kita sa lababo puno ng tubig nang tatlong beses, gusto mo?

Maganda akooo...maganda akoooo...nyenyenyenye. Sabi ng kapitbahay namin, maganda yung anak nila. Tinititigan ko yung mga mata ng mga magulang nung bata kung bulag ba sila o talagang in denial lang. Mas maganda pa yung aso kong puno ng galis e.

Masarap ang limang basong red wine. Bordeaux ata yun o Rossini. Ewan. Basta masarap. Masharap.Mshahaharap.

ZZzzzzzzzzz.ZzZz.zZZZZzzzzz. Snoooork!

Rushing Childhood, Children's Games

2005-04-26T15:42:00.000+08:00

Are we ever too old to play games?

Last Sunday, I had the chance to join my family in a Family Day celebration held in Filinvest Village as organized by the Couples for Christ. This was an unexpected event for me since I just learned it when I woke up.

The Family Day celebration consisted of families of CFC from different units and what we all did was to have fun through parlor games (?), relays and events, and salu-salo of Filipino foods. I was dazed by the amount of people present in the venue in different colors representing their team. As I belong to the Yellow team, I had the opportunity of playing my first event: the Wedding Dress.

in this game, the group's goal is to produce a fitting and an elegant wedding dress out of newspaper and masking tape. Well, our team produced a wedding dress for the bride of Mulawin....and resulted to a fourth place (the last place). The winner came in a Princess of Brunei outfit complete with burqahs and "bejeweled" veil.

The next game I participated was the Softdrinks Relay. It is your average relay where you run, put the flags inside a softdrinks bottles then run back and get the flags from the bottles. Being the last, I had an advantage since I made the team caught up to the first place. not bad, I thought.

The last game I joined was the Maiz con Hielo contest wherein it is also a relay, however, each team member is obliged to eat the ingredients of the Maiz con Hielo separately (corn, sugar, ice, powdered milk). Our group technically won, but because of a protest from the other groups, we settled to be tied with all the groups.

While I am writing this entry, I can still feel my knees and thighs hurt, my bruised knee, my sore pinky on my left foot and an unbroken spirit. Life has often been described as a game of chance, you either make the right decisions or end up being a loser. I do not however feel that I am ever too old to play games, especially those that will make me feel like a child once more. Oftentimes children of their generation wished that they were old enough to make decisions, to learn how to drive a car, to have a son or daughter out of accident, rob a bank or be the richest gambling lord. Why do we rush things? Why are we such in a hurry to grow up whereas when we grow up, we regret the things we haven't done when we were young? When we grow old, do we still get the chance to play tumang preso with our brittling bones, or eat all the sweets and chocolates we loved with our high sugar levels, or fly a kite with our busy schedules at work?

How fun it is to experience kid-ship while enjoying what you can enjoy. We are never too old to play games, so never stop playing. We only get old when we stop playing.

Oil Slicks and Lead-Minded Oil Firms

2005-04-22T20:04:00.000+08:00

For the nth time this month, the prices for oil went up again. The reason as pointed out by the oil firms was "to gain back whatever the losses incurred for the past three years." For a flick of a moment my mouth was left hanging by their "inevitable" excuse. Isn't it by the law of demand, wherein ceteris paribus when the price is lower the more the demand would be?

However, that reasoning is a pitfall because known to everyone but unrecognized by many, oil is not a luxury good, but "seemingly" acts as an inelastic product, i.e., when the price adjust, there would be little effect on the demand of the consumers. It has been a constant debate to us students of microeconomics whether the oil should be considered as an elastic or an inelastic good, a required determinant of why the oil prices rise so fast yet we can't do anything about it.

Primarily because oil as a natural resource is a scarce resource. A big chunk of our oil is from Middle Eastern nations, and only a small percentage on our own Malampaya natural gas reserve. Since the invention of automobiles, oil-fueled engines for transportations, machines and others which require oil, we became dependent on oil. With oil, fruits and vegetables are easily transported through trucks to markets and supermarkets until finally they are on our tables. Other goods, may it be dry or wet, are easily exported through other parts of the world thanks to oil. And no matter what the price of the oil is, we still continue to use them because we depend on oil for survival. If Maslow were to revise his "Hierarchy of Needs", oil would be placed on top of food and clothing and shelter, which by the way is a product, in one way or another, of oil.

As high as we regard oil as one of our needs for survival, oil may now be considered as the silent killer of our nation. A quick domino effect is expected to happen whenever the oil prices change creating the Law of Oil Prices: If everything else is equal, when oil prices go up, every price goes up, except for the price of labor.

The high prices of oil was the product of the increasing world price of oil. Well actually, it is not entirely the world price's fault. Based on the recent econometric readings and research for the past six months by the University of the Philippines School of Economics, there seems to be a continuous trend of price changes, similar to a pattern of manipulating prices. The pattern should have been as such: as the world price increases, the local price should increase to avoid aggregate losses of the previous years. What is happening is this: the world price increases, the local prices also increases BUT when the world price decreases, the local prices decrease only up to a certain extent and very much delayed. The question which remains to be a question for us is this: what keeps the oil companies from rolling back the prices at a faster pace?

And Filipinos like me have no choice but go on with the flow of everyday life: to bear the twitching agony of increasing oil prices through higher prices of basic goods, higher fares for transportation, and a lower quality of living. How long will oil be an inelastic product where even electricity and water services rely on? Today, the NAPOCOR announced an increase of fifty centavos per kilowatt hour. Tomorrow, the MAYNILAD plans on increasing the price of water. What will they think of next, charging a price on breathable air?

I learned from my Environmental Science that there are numerous ways on how to get energy from other renewable resources. I am wishing and hoping that there will be talented and intelligent Filipino scientists who would discover how to utilize to the optimum what we already have and help reduce the price of oil. For now, my best friend would be my bicycle.

Sapakan sa Kwad

2005-04-18T20:27:00.000+08:00

This is one scoop I could not resist not writing about it.

DISCLAIMER: My brother was the primary source of this. Hehe.

***

This happened today at around noontime at the Ateneo High School.

There was the registration for the SEP (Summer Enrichment Program) going on in the fourth year wing (the set of buildings nearest the flagpole). The lines were long and they consist of students and parents. In one of the lines, a student (identity unknown) cut through in front of a mother. The mother (let's call her Momma A), probably out of emotional surge and the heat wave, pushed the boy out of the line, making the student kneel to the floor outside the line. Unfortunately, the mother of the pushed boy (let's call her Momma B) was present and witnessed how her son was pushed by Momma A. Momma B confronted Momma A through harsh words. Tensions escalated in the room. The teachers present tried to hold them back but to no avail. The students started to make "usi" (usisero business).

Momma A, according to other witnesses, dragged Momma B out of the room towards the Quadrangle (a grassy area situated in between the fourth year wings). Momma B saw some water cups and made a Sharon-Cherie Gil act ("You are nothing but a second rate trying hard copycat") minus the dialogue. They grabbed each other by the hair, fought like wild cats, scratched each other and almost tore each other's dresses apart. The students and teachers rushed to the scene. They could not do anything because of the fear that they might get hurt. A few minutes later, guards rushed to stop the fight, however, they could not stop the verbal fight.

An analysis of this scenario would include the following: both Mommas are from well-to-do families with bodyguards present at the time of the incident. However, even the bodyguards could not do anything because of the fear that they (the Mommas) grab the guns of their alalays and shoot one another (or worse, shoot at innocent usiseros). The husbands (let's call them Poppas) of the Mommas were present too, however preferred to wait inside their expensive cars. They had no idea that there was a fight in progress.

***
Well-to-do families? Are they really educated enough to know the fundamentals of delicadeza? For me, what they did was totally irrational, and the one who would suffer was not the Mommas but their sons who will forever have that shame factor within them. Physical pain could heal over time and could be treated with medicine, but the psychological implications are more difficult to heal.

Parents. They are known as the role models of their children. And as role models, they should have acted like one, not some crazy berserks. The Mommas may not have realized that they were to be ashamed of what they have done at first, but when emotions cool down and they would reflect all what happened, they will say to themselves, "Grabe. Nakakahiya yung ginawa ko."

Let this be a lesson to all of us, parents or not parents alike. We are responsible for the welfare of our fellow human beings. We are rational people, rational creatures which set us apart from all the rest of the creatures. WE must act like human beings and respond as human beings.

And also, let this be a lesson to those who love to cut in line. Kung ayaw nyo magulpi, huwag sumingit.

interesting subjects

2005-04-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

in lieu of the two core subjects i did not get, i enlisted for my minoring subjects, namely, Development Finance and Alternative Disputes Resolutions Process, both of which are seminars of development management.

DEVELOPMENT FINANCE is a course which focuses on the origins, methods, techniques, and laws regarding financing development, aka, fund raising activities. It does not require an in depth knowledge on accounting and finance but creativity, resourcefulness, and courage. This is very beneficial especially that I am in ACIL and finally I could help my org in finding ways to earn some money.

ALTERNATIVE DISPUTES RESOLUTIONS PROCESS is a six day (whole day!) course on how to resolve conflicts in any setting to avoid courtroom cases, lawyer's fees, etc through the methods of either arbitration or mediation. Similar to the work of policemen when there are hostage taking situations and the work of UN diplomats between government and rebel groups, ADRP is used to maintain peace in whatever workplace in whatever situation. This is really helpful especially during moments when the teacher is too "barat" in giving grades to poor failing students.

i think it is a blessing in disguise that i did not get my core subjects.

**************

condolences to the family of Ted Borlongan who shot himself the other day at the Loyola Memorial Park due to financial problems which were for him all unbearable. His son, Jonathan, was my classmate when we were in grade school. He disappeared for quite sometime, rumors have it that he moved to the US. He is currently studying at the ADMU in his junior year (BS Management).

**************

i finally finished cleaning up my desk from all the photocopied readings from the past semester. tomorrow, i will try cleaning up my closet (hope that the boogeyman is gone).

the Cascades

2005-04-16T11:09:00.000+08:00

hindi ako fan ng The Cascades, nanay ko lang naman ang pumilit sa aking samahan ko siya na manood ng concert nila sa Araneta kagabi. Isang dahilan kung bakit ako napilitang sumama ay dahil sa nakabili na ng ticket yung nanay ko bago pa man ako tinanong kung gusto ko bang sumama. oh well....

kung maganda ba o hindi ang concert, well, kung wala lang mga technical problems at hindi sobrang delayed ng palabas, marahil ok sila. I mean for a comeback concert, patok sila. One thing I noticed is their great ability to woo the older folk, especially the women. Paano naman kasi, love songs ang pinatugtog sa kalagitnaan ng tag-init, at habang tinitignan ko ang reaksyon ng mga ibang tao sa concert, nakikita ko ang 50-yr old nanay ko na may 20-yr old energy.

Kahilera daw ng mga immortalized hits ang musika ng The Cascades sabi ng aking ina. Kaya naman kahit 500 pesos ang CD nila, binili pa rin ni Ma. Kasi nga immortalized.

Oh well, at least naging masaya sa gabing iyon kahit isang saglit ang nanay ko kahit na alam niyang kinabukasan balik sa problema na naman ang kanyang daranasin.

summer registration, frustration and depression

2005-04-12T20:38:00.000+08:00

i am gearing myself for a battle. This is no ordinary battle, since this will require utmost patience, diligence, and dexterity. This battle will last for a few hours, at the foot of the Rizal Library, as I compete for the few remaining slots of my subjects. Yes, this is the Battle of the Summer Registration.

cut the crap.

I should not be part of this summer registration, particularly tomorrow's summer registration if it were not for the inefficiencies of the Registration Committee. My blockmates and I waited from 9 am in the hopes of being able to get first in the line of not required students. At two o'clock, or so what it says in the ETA schedule, this line was supposed to be moving. But at 4 the "required students line" was not yet finished!

To top it all, the Regcom announced that it had no choice but to cancel the non-required line and requested us to return tomorrow.

what was really irritating was the procedure the next day: all schools (SOSS, SOSE, SOM, and SOH) will have their registration on only one venue in FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED BASIS. The hell with them! Of course, as expected, many students expressed their sentiments, from pleading to grotesque force (we seemed to have formed a mini riot in front of the Library as we lash our frustrations and depressions to the RegCom).

Yes, I stood and waited 8 hours during the registration FOR NOTHING!

Tonight I will be going to sleep as early as 10 pm and attempt to wake up as early as 330 am. It sounds pathetic to wake up for 6 units worth of summer courses, but hey, it's worth to get the subjects you really like!

I just really hope I get the subjects that I want.

letter to the editor

2005-04-08T10:22:00.000+08:00

i just found out that my letter to Inquirer made it after all. Check out this link: http://news.inq7.net/viewpoints/index.php?index=1&story_id=30859

Filipino?

2005-04-07T07:12:00.000+08:00

at a party last night at my ninang's villa, my brother and I had an interesting debate of whether the Philippines (or the Filipinos) have any hope at all, which turned out to be nasty. I could not help but think, from the perspective of a 15 year old, how he managed to come up with very valid and realistic arguments which everytime I think about it I shudder with the endless possibilities and predictions.

According to him, the Philippines has no hope whatsoever due to the seemingly endless rise of corruption and moral decline our country is facing. Wokei, that is undeniable and seemingly hopeless, but politicians and government officials are not the sole cause of corruption but also of our regressive past. The Spaniards, Americans and Japanese occupants were also the first to introduce their corruptive methods. If in doubt, consult the history of the Philippine Catholic Church and see how it all evolved. Another reason would be from our part, as corruption is sin and sin is structural and social. Meaning, corruption does not occur from only an individual but as a result of an existing structure or system, for instance, we, the system, tolerate corruption, even if we know it is morally wrong, we "can't" do anything because either we are too weak or too afraid to speak. I say we are oftentimes too apathetic of this, since it does not "hurt" us directly. Pity, no wonder why a government official managed to use the "free" suite in MGM hotel in Las Vegas which is worth $20000.

Another point raised up by my bro is because of the increase of prices including and esp. oil prices. What's new? As an economics student, I am very much aware of the existing laws with regards to competition, monopoly slash oligopoly behavior, consumer protection and price regulations. Honestly, we have excellent laws on competition surpassing the laws of Singapore and India, however the problem lies not on these laws but on the implementation of the laws. A representative from Ilocos said once in an interview that we are a nation of laws which is something that we could be proud of. Upon that recognition implies an automatic question that should be asked "What is needed to do next?". Oil prices increase partly because government officials do not know how to implement the laws they, paradoxically, passed. Another point is that we lack technology that would seek other alternatives for oil. Thank God for people like the one who invented gasoline from coconut extracts, who is by the way a Filipino. These people, intelligent they may be, lack financial and moral support from the government and from us as well.

Best possible solution according to bro: migrate to a land flowing with milk and honey. See, that is exactly why the Philippines is steadily falling apart because of our notion that by going to another country could we escape the deepening and worsening problems of our homeland. We may find a better job abroad, yet the Philippines could have also been a job destination if we could have access to capital, labor and technology. Paano mo matitiis makita ang iyong mga kababayang patuloy na naghihirap? Economics is not the only determining factor for a country to be successful, but also politics, culture, society, environment and religion. Would the Philippines be the same without the Mayon Volcano, the Banaue Rice Terraces, Boracay, the Ati-Atihan Festival, the tarsier, the vintas, the FOrt Santiago, kare-kare, bibingka and sapin-sapin, the old houses of Vigan, the crowded churches of Baclaran and Quiapo, pasyong mahal, Moriones Festival and Simbang Gabi, virtues of hospitality, filial concern, altruism? We find delight in these because they are uniquely Filipino, incomparable and truly ours. Walang ganyan sa Isteyts!

So before you lose hope on the Filipino, as long as there are people like the two janitors who recently returned bags full of money, jewelry and official documents to foreigners, non government agencies which advocate the social concerns of the children, and Ramon Magsaysay awardees for their altruistic vision and hope, the Filipino should be striving hard to become worthy of its name: a Filipino. By losing faith and hope in the Filipino means that you are losing hope with yourself.

And the World Weeps

2005-04-04T14:12:00.000+08:00

I was preparing my stuff for a pilgrimage in Manaoag, Pangasinan at two in the morning. We had to leave Manila by 3 am in order for us not to be entangled by the traffic in NLEX. At 3 am, I received a text message from my aunt residing in Rome. The hour has come, as they all say, for the pope to return to his Father. I read and reread the text message, hoping that it would change, unfortunately, the message was clear: the Pope has died.

I can't help but become too emotional about his death. I remember how he came here in the Philippines in 1995. He was still in good health in his white frock and dangling cross around his neck. He celebrated Mass at the UST during our school hours, and when dismissal came, my mother and I rushed to UST simply to greet the Pope and his awesome Popemobile. Parang People Power siya, pero this is better than any revolution, a revolution of faith. It was in this gathering of millions of Filipinos that I realized how Filipinos have a strong and arduous love for their faith and for the Pope. Doon ako bumilib sa kanya: how a man of God would want to become the servant of His people, a message our world leaders up to now have not realized all these years.

I am happy for him, wherever he is, but I am sure that he is now with God. I just wish the cardinals would elect somebody like him, though personally, nobody would surpass the greatness and magnificence of Karol Wojytla.

A Prayer

2005-04-02T11:55:00.000+08:00

It is not Your promised heaven that moves me to love You.
Nor the fear of hell that forces me to fear You, Lord.

What moves me is the sight of You
fixed to a cross and mocked.
What moves me is Your wounded body,
the words that hurt You,
the blows that broke You.

What moves me, Lors, is Your Love.

ERven if there were no heaven,
I would love You still.
Even if there were no hell,
still I will fear You.

For me to love You, You need nothing to give.

Even if I did not hope
as in deed I hope,
even so I would love You
as in deed I love You.

---St. Francis Xavier, SJ

oral exams

2005-03-16T02:20:00.000+08:00

for a certain unknown reason, my greatest strength during exams lies on oral exams, maybe because I am confident in defending my answers or analyzing the thesis in the process. But this second semester, this will be my first time to encounter such an oral examination, worse than philosophy or theology....

presenting, my "thesis statements" for Ec115 - Introduction to Mathematical Economics.

You might wonder how it works. First the teacher picks a problem from the list given prior the exam date. Then he gives you 10 minutes to solve it on the whiteboard and in the process explaining the process using the theories learned in algebra, calculus, linear algebra, and higher calculus, including basic and intermediate economic theories (micro and macro). If you do well, solving and explaining the thesis, then well done.

Here is my oral exam questions (solve it if you wish). Warning: If you are mathphobic or have mental cramps when seeing numbers, DO NOT PROCEED. You have been warned.

Economics 115 – Introduction to Mathematical Economics

Final Exam

1) Let q = 10K^0.7L^0.1, given (PK) = 28, (PL) = 10, B = 4000
a) Optimize the Cobb Douglas production function given the constraint (PK)K + (PL)L = B

b) Possible bonus points: Use the bordered Hessian to check for the second-order conditions.

2) Determine the level of homogeneity and returns to scale for each of the following functions:
a) Q = x^3 – xy^2 + 3y^3 + x^2y
b) F(x1, x2) = A(a + ax12 + ax2P)^1/P show that F has constant returns to scale under A = 0.
Use the theorems on homogeneity and Euler's theorem.

3) Given the utility function u = Ax^ay^b subject to the budget constraint PxX + PyY = B, prove that at the point of constrained utility maximization the ratio of prices Px/Py must be equal to the ratio of marginal utilities MUx/MUy. Use the Lagrangian method. Check the second-order conditions using bordered Hessian.

4) Given a generalized Cobb-Douglas production function q=AK^αL^β subject to the budget constraint (PK)K + (PL) L = B, prove that for constraint optimization the least-cost input ratio is
K/L = αPL/βPK. What is the relevance of this ratio in analyzing isocosts and isoquants?

5) (Possible Bonus Points): Maximize f(x,y,z) = xyz on the constraint set defined by the inequalities
x + y + z ≤ 1, x≥ 0, y ≥0, z≥0

Refer to Kuhn-Tucker conditions for further proving. Use Hessian or Jacobian matrices if possible for second-order conditions. What has non-linear programming say with regards to such conditions?

*********

Oh how I love Math. Grabe.

choices

2005-03-11T09:45:00.000+08:00

i would like to share to my avid fans (nyek, feeling!) what i wrote for my english 12 autobiographical paper which served as my final exam for EN 12. I am currently awaiting the results of this exam which will dictate if either I have a sure A for the course or not. Hope you have fun criticizing, laughing, crying or mocking my paper.

**********************************

Choices

Repeatedly I said to myself, “I pressed the wrong button. I pressed the damn wrong button.”

Every four o’ clock in the afternoon is my merienda time, a sacred time for college students like me, and what better place to buy snacks is at the vending machine. The vending machine is my sanctuary, the most accessible and convenient place to grab a quick bite before the next class begins, temporarily satisfying my need for glucose. The “vendo” is my pal, my confidant during intense class hours and boring lectures.

But not today. The vendo seemed to rebel against me.

As always, after I inserted the paper bill into the money slot, I pressed a set of buttons that would release the foiled snack of my choice. In this case, I chose a scrumptious chocolate bar, the one that I could not take my eyes off. Suddenly, the steel spiral holder which was responsible for holding and releasing the goodies moved, jerked then stopped, making the chocolate bar hung on the ledge and leaned on the glass that separated me from my afternoon snack.

I stood there with my jaw hanging from my mouth as I tried to recall what went wrong. I tapped the glass hoping that it would fall. Tough luck. I also tried to shake the vendo machine but apparently it was not working. I tried not create such a commotion, making me a distressed big boy who does not know how to operate a vendo machine. Who was I to blame for the misfortune of my chocolate bar?

Should I blame the vendo machine makers? After all, if it were not for the steel spiral holders, my chocolate bar would not be stuck in the first place. But come to think of it, there were many instances when the vendo machine became my savior especially during those long lectures and plenaries where I had the privilege to munch in secret. Should I blame the chocolate bar? Besides, it was the chocolate bar which tempted me to spend my merienda money on. But why blame the chocolate bar if for many times I used its monosaccharide molecules to wake me up while studying for the exams. Or should I blame myself for the wrong choice that I made? If choice was the issue, then what was the optimum?

In basic microeconomic theory, I have learned that people make choices based on three things: preferences, utility and constraint. Preferences are what the person feels he or she would be satisfied with, for instance, I prefer chocolate bars over chips drenched in monosodium glutamate. Utilities are the manner of how to achieve the desired preferences, in this case, I use the vendo machine in order to get my chocolate bar. Constraints come into the picture when the person realizes that there are several limitations in achieving his or her preferences, for example, that afternoon, I only had fifteen pesos which was enough to buy the cheapest chocolate bar. When preferences, utilities, and constraints are taken into consideration, making the choice is all that is left to do. Usually, through proper calculations and common-sense estimations one would determine the best choice. As an economics student, I am expected to choose the greatest benefit given the preference, utility, and constraint, au contrairè, I do not.

I have been living a life full of choices which most often are not the optimum. I had chosen a course believing that it was what society demands and not the course that will make me feel as a whole person. When I applied in 2003, I browsed through the list of courses offered by the Ateneo. My mind and heart was set for either AB History, AB Social Sciences or AB English Literature, however, when I consulted these to my mother, the commander-in-chief of the household, I was pressured into taking a Management Economics course instead.

I had chosen some of my friends who later abandoned me because of who I wanted to become and not what they wanted me to be. When I was in grade school, I felt the longing for people who had a strong disposition about themselves, people who had a strong influence in school politics. They saw my potential; however, in order for everything to be as planned, I had to pay a terrible price: I had to be somebody I am not. I had my doubts, fears and apprehensions. Slowly, I faded from the limelight, and the biggest mistake was I let them shove me towards the backstage. The message was clear: they did not need me, and for countless, sleepless nights I felt that I was an idiot to fall into the trapdoor of envy for power and attention.

I had chosen to believe that my own weaknesses will remain as such and will never become my strengths. For instance, before I graduated from high school, I believed that I could drive a car and eventually get my own license. I knew the basics of driving, the signs and signals required, and the mechanics of the car. I was so eager and so confident about my efficacy that I asked somebody to accompany me while I practiced my stunt. As I drove down the road and signaled to make a right turn, a tricycle suddenly appeared at our direction, and forced me to turn the wheel as far as possible in order to avoid hitting the tricycle. I ran over, in order of importance, a small rubber ball, three tomatoes (perhaps from the tricycle), five flower pots, and a brand-new white Revo. The owner of the Revo got out of his house, inspected the damage, raised his voice at the top of his lungs, threatened to call the police and send me to jail. What was happening to me, a seventeen year old kid who just wanted to build his own self-efficacy? The rest was history: my parents rushed to the scene, took me home, and I sought solace within the comforts of my own bedroom while I tried to repress what just happened. Up to this day, I do not dare put my hands on top of the steering wheel.

Choices are results of combined preferences, utilities and constraints. Most of the time, I felt I was dominated by constraints so to be sure of my choices, I chose to play safe. Risks are for the strong at heart, for the daring and the adventurous. I, however, would rather choose certainty and predictable endings. If there are no choices, there is nothing to worry about.

But what if time comes when I have to make a huge decision wherein everything depends on my final choice? I will surely go unprepared because most of my life, I have avoided making decisions on my own. There will be many times that neither the eeny-minnie-miney-moe will not be the perfect guide, nor the stars and the twelve dangling constellations in the great beyond will not create the optimum choice for you. And what happens after making the wrong decisions? Blame.

Blame everything. Blame the society who forced me into taking the course I have no interest in. Besides, if it were not for the society’s needs, I would not be grueling my mind into studying subjects which are not my cup of coffee. On the other hand, if it were not for them, I would not know how amazing economic systems work and how it is applied to our society. Blame the group of people who influenced me to become somebody I am not. If it were not for these group of people, I would not have met leadership and power, and how to control these two to become an effective, authoritative leader. Blame the person who mocked me, shamed me in front of all the bystanders, and threatened me with full authority. If not for this person, I would not have grown to be someone who is strong-at-heart in the face of harsh criticisms. When no one else is left to blame, everything comes into a screeching halt. I realize that there is no else left but me to blame for. Not blaming, but an admittance of mistakes, a humble, acknowledgement for making the wrong choices.

Microeconomic theory does not describe what to do during instances wherein picking the choice which seems optimal but really is not. There is nothing left to do but to actually do something; hence, preferences, utilities, and constraints do not end in choices but in actions. As actions require choices, the same goes with choices. This entails asking oneself what to do next. The chocolate bar is stuck and in order to get it, something has to be done. Blaming will not get the chocolate bar out of the vendo machine. Outcomes depend on the choices that we make because we make the choices. One poem has captured it perfectly: “I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.”

My course of action? I got the courage to walk and approach one of the students nearby. After five minutes, may God forbid what he did to the vendo machine, I finally got my chocolate bar. At that moment, I felt that I have finally made my optimum choice.

UPDATE(March 16, 2005): I got my paper back from the pigeonhole of my teacher. I returned my paper inside the pigeonhole hoping that it would be considered as part of an anthology of students' best autobiographical papers. Note on my paper by my teacher: This truly is a masterpiece. A.

para sa isang kaibigan...

2005-03-10T09:28:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MACHOO!!!

to my ever wonderful partner na hindi nagsasawa sa mga kulit people like me. bwahahaha! blowout naman diyan!

mula sa "Bulkang Sumambulat ang...Pigsa" ni Dong de los Reyes

2005-03-06T02:08:00.000+08:00

"Aba'y kung hindi tayo batikan sa pagtistis ng mga kuwentong tulad nito na naghihingalo na't grabe ang sakit, walang magaling na kuwentong maitatampok sa mga pahina ng Tulalaway Magasin. Makukuha ang istorya sa gamit ng gamut-gamutan kapag sinat lang. Pero kapag talamak na ang tamagaya nga nitong sa iyo - aba'y operasyon mayor ang kinakailangan."

Operasyon mayor pala ang kinakailangan ng mga tabloid. Nasaan na pala ngayon ang intelektwalismo sa ating bayan?

in accordance to my plan

2005-03-02T02:13:00.000+08:00

finally, everything is falling into place! buwahahaha! (background music: thunder and pipe organ).

today, i was busy the whole day fixing my life for next semester. I found out that I need not overload everything just to take my minor subjects. This is a relief for me considering that I have 20 units worth of subjects per semester (with four subjects with 5 units each).

I have also planned on how to use my free electives wisely. I have 6 units worth of free electives (2 subjects) to be used, by the words of the Ateneo handbook, "to pursue his or her (the student's) interests". I want to utilize my free electives in such a way that would have a great value for me when I soon graduate. But first, a little kwento....

Last Saturday, I went to work for OAA through the Ateneo Center for Education as one of the requirements for my service hours as a scholar. While working, I met Dr. Celeste Gonzales, the chairwoman of the Department of Education and had little chat about the wonders of Jesuit education and stuff (kinda boring to you but because of the substance of the discussion....). With all courage I asked Dr Celeste if her department has electives for undergraduates like me and she said that she offers only two for the incoming semester. She asked me if I was interested and I with full conviction I said yes. She gave me her blessing to go to her secretary and reserve for that slot. She told me that I will be given the priority when first semester registration comes in that elective.

Ergo, for the first semester and for my first elective, I will be taking up Educational Psychology. My heartfelt gratitude to Dr Celeste Gonzales. :)

For the first time in my whole accounting experience I have received a long test grade at the 60% mark! This is a milestone for me considering that I felt so hopelessly 50% for the past two semesters. I am now aiming at least for a 70% for this final test (which I heard was easy and a great give away). I am not encouraged by those who smirk over my grade (60%? mababa pa rin yan....!). They don't know how hard it is for slow learners like me to put in your best learning effort and still muster a grade below your effort. It hurts me to hear people stand at their tiptoes and not lend a helping hand to those who crawl like me in order to survive.

Best case scenario:
ACC 30 - C+
EN 12 - A
SCI 10 - B+
EC 111 - A
EC 115 - B+
PSY 101 - A

Worst Case Scenario:
ACC 30 - C
EN 12 - A
SCI 10 - B
EC 111 - B+
Ec 115 - B
Psy 101 - B+

The last time I became a grade conscious person was when I was in first year high school, believe it or not. :)

defeat and victories

2005-02-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

Why are the greatest lessons in life come in pain, suffering and defeat?

dumating sa punto ng buhay ko kanina na parang ako ang pinagkakaisahan ng mundo, pero sa totoo lang, the world has lead you towards "what is greater". i had my own repressed feelings earlier: gusto ko sumigaw, gusto ko umiyak, gusto ko magwala. and yet, i still somehow managed to keep up my composture, poise, and elegance. kahit masakit. kahit napakasakit.

I lost something I hoped I was, but gained something I have always loved. That makes it all the difference. :)

volleyball saga

2005-02-22T04:18:00.000+08:00

WE WON!!!

first time ko uli maglaro ng volleyball and unbelievable para sa akin ang makitang the talent has never left me (kahit kulang sa practice). Galing talaga ng ACIL!!!

GO ATENEO CATECHETICAL INSTRUCTION LEAGUE!!!

San Mats

2005-02-13T11:15:00.000+08:00

as i read machoo's simple requiem or memorare of what has had been in San Mats, I began to recall certain things before i eventually miss them.

i remembered the first day on the job as San Mats GL with jubiboy as my sidekick. We had plans, great plans for San Mats and were excited to execute them ASAP. it turned out that jubiboy was destined to leave for France. I felt devastated, because finding a replacement for a great leader such as jubiboy was almost difficult, especially for the demands of the area.

And God gave me Machoo. He is really heaven-sent, a blessing for me and for the area. After persuasion after persuasion, I had a new partner after a few weeks. Sabi nga nila, sobrang tambalan talaga kami, or meant-to-be partners talaga, through thick and thin....literally.

Handling San Mats was not easy as it looks, as we had to continuously roam around the area, not minding the pain beneath our soles. Our first few weeks were hell: we were like blind mice searching for the right path. Good thing there was the former San Mats GL present, or else we couldn't really make it. Eventually, we got used to it.

The area had also its ups and downs. For the both of us, it was a test of partnership and friendship. We had our agreements and arguements, inis and tampos, but it was part of it.

And now, we have reached almost the end of it all. And I am about to leave it for the best, return from being a leader to an ordinary member....on a higher ground.

I will miss everything. I will miss my members and my partner so much.

Thank you very much Rachel, Patrick, Joy J., 3cia, Rica, Leo, Xerox, Denz, Pao, Jaya, Aids, Koonce, Hub, Jan, and Reyan for keeping the San Mats flame burning. I know that somewhere in your little hearts resides San Mats.

And to my ever-trusting Machoo. My heartfelt thanks to you. You have made realize that there are always solutions even to the seemingly impossible problems. You will still remain as my best partner. :)

Two weeks and counting. San Mateo will still be the best area. :)

dead leaves

2005-02-12T17:26:00.000+08:00

after the area, we went on our way with our usual processing and noticed the leaves on the trees and the blades of grass of bellarmine field dead. all i could see were twigs and brown leaves scattered all over the place, plus big ants and dry soil. obviously, we are now entering summer.

pero i am not worried about summer. something in the area that i shouldn be worried about.

...

psychic powers of mine working once again.

EN 12 review magazine presentation

2005-02-12T01:00:00.000+08:00

i believe that our review was better than the other groups...no, the best review magazine among all the other magazines presented in class today.

but no course, as always, there would always play the role of the antipatika and the kontrabida.

as our group ended its magnificent and very classical, zen-inspired presentation, one group was deliberately trying to intimidate us by asking questions previously answered by the presentation itself. They could not get a clue whatsoever that we have already presented it in our slides through the words, "As we have mentioned..."

But still, they kept intimidating us. And there is more to that. They wanted revenge.

Why, you may ask? Because we have, too, questioned and judged their presentation according to the criteria given to us, but it was not a light questioning rather an inquisition from our group. It is because their group presentation was a total chaos, pandemonium, disorganized, mess, hell, mediocrity and inconsistency. Obviously, it was a work on a high school level (and i am talking about freshman level!).

They finally asked us the significance of our magazine to the Ateneans, especially to those who do not appreciate the arts (by the way, the theme of our magazine was "The Philosophy of the Filipino Youth through the Arts"). It's a good thing a groupmate of mine has perfectly summed up what I wanted to say the whole time: "At least our magazine focuses on quality, matter and substance, reemerging what is existing and trying to revive what is considered almost dead, unlike your magazines which don't have any meaning at all because it focuses more on how your magazine will get popular!"

well done and well said. i have to commend my group, my ever faithful groupmates for a job well done despite the insecurities of other people.

criticisms

2005-02-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

may lugar ang lahat ng mga criticisms, mapa-constructive man ito or destructive.

pero sa lahat ng ayaw kong criticisms ay ang pag-invade sa personal space ng tao. kay para sa mga taong makakapal ang pagmumukha na walang ginawa kung hindi mambatikos nang mambatikos, ito ang masasabi ko:

Ang kapal ng mukha mo. Wala ka sa posisyon para mambatikos dahil hindi iyo ang akin.

Kilala mo na ang sarili mo, hindi ko na kailangan i-elaborate pa. Why don't you try RESPECTING for a change, especially someone's blog? E ano kung masagwa ang kulay, e ano kung kakaiba ang nakasulat sa title bar or subtitle bar ng blog, at least the contents are REAL and straight from the heart, hindi katulad nung sa iyo, puro hangin at laway. walang substance.

I hated you once, and I can hate you twice, thrice, or many times. You don't know me anymore so don't mess up with me or with any of my friends (haven't you noticed, tinanggal na kita sa aking links, or is it manhid ka lang talaga?)

on resignations

2005-02-04T03:21:00.000+08:00

admittingly, there are some people who need to resign, whether they be in the government or in the administration. causes include incapability, mediocrity, unsensitivity, irresponsibility, and corrupt. but still, others who resign are the society's only hope, the cream of the crop, the best among the rotten apples.

which brings to thought: is the individual created for the self or for the society?

nakapanghihinayang makita ang mga taong ayaw umalis sa mga posisyon nila dahil wala silang kapasidad at kakayahang gampanan ang kanilang tungkulin ngunit mas lalong higit na nakapanghihinayang makita ang mga taong umaalis sa kanilang mga posisyon kahit alam nila sa kaibutaran ng mga puso nila na mayroon pa silang magagawa.

the society has no choice but to sit down and cry.

bruised knees

2005-02-01T08:42:00.000+08:00

what happened to my beautiful knees?!!!

this is the price I should pay for being too competitive and too serious in a non-competitive and non-serious activity.

blue and black. blue and black.

*sigh*

thoughts behind the shower curtain

2005-01-25T08:00:00.000+08:00

open shower curtain.

open the water tap.

************
what is the missing link between our hearts and our minds?

the philosophers have often mentioned that the heart and the mind are one in thought and movement, a perfect complement that when one contradicts the other, the other is hurt leaving both the heart and the mind "guilty". Admission and reconciliation of fault strengthens the relationship of the heart and the mind.

but what binds the two?

according to psychoanalysts, the body is said to be linked with the soul through a "silver chain" that stretches out to eternity. Death cuts the link between the body and the soul which gives the soul a greater access to freedom until it reattaches itself again to another body during conception. This probably may be the underlying idea behind reincarnation.

but again, what makes the heart and the mind be together? the harmony that exists between the two is a classic example of yin yang in motion, working towards balance and stability. Asian philosophers for so long have tried to investigate the energy that binds them, not what actually binds them.

*********
rinse.

close water tap.

get towel.

get out.

on the 7th day of rest

2005-01-22T09:06:00.000+08:00

yesterday morning, i asked my friend Kia about this question:

"Why do people have to get tired?"

and she replied:

"Because it is an indication that people need to rest."

Which is true. But why do people need to rest? Is it because, in biblical terms, God rested on the seventh day?

What if God did not rest on the seventh day, what will He create?

or will He destroy?

condolences

2005-01-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

to the family of xavier yu, my deepest condolences.

i don't know personally xavier yu but he is my batchmate, a political science sophomore, who had an accident last friday at the burgundy condiminium (which many said after "jumping" from burgundy he landed on the first floor of the prince david condominium).

again, my deepest condolences.